The Bachelor NZ 2017 recap: The women may be telling all, but I am done talking

This is the last Bachelor NZ column from me this year and can I just say, it's been a great time. There have been highs and there have been lows, but mostly there have been some banger cringe moments.

Tonight's episode, 'The Women Tell All', was no different.

Sometimes women build each other up to be strong and successful; celebrating the different things that make us human beings. Sometimes women are unnecessarily bitchy to each other. Take a wild swing at the way this went!

I was lucky enough to be in the (particularly rowdy) audience, so I got to experience the magic first hand, including Dom Bowden getting a makeup touch up every 17 seconds. Here are my favourite moments from the night

1. Katey and Lucia got ROASTED

The two Bachelorettes who "formed a connection like no other" may not have landed the guy, but that doesn't matter to them now. As they gathered on the couch for a giggle with Dom, we got to relive some of their best gal-pal moments, in the pool and... well, I mean, nah, just in the pool really. Get those bods on screen, amirite ladies.

To nobody's surprise, they were harangued about the tiny peck on the lips at that infamous rose ceremony. "And then you decided to do it again and post it on Instagram," Dom noted.

The best part of that Instagram post for me is not the kiss, but the comments, which range from "are they together?" to "katey i think i saw you in lovisa on wednesday at st lukes in Auckland". The peak of Kiwi fame.

2. Dom got to be reunited with Karina

By far a highlight of the evening was the awkward reunion between Karina and host Dominic Bowden. Finally, after the focus being on Karina for the entire time, Dom got to be included too because, oh that's right, he was there as well.

If there's one thing better than having to spend time with someone you slept with, it's discussing it on television in front of the nation!

The two handled it pretty well to be honest, although Dom asking the Bachelorettes how they felt about him getting with another one of the Bachelorettes has to be one of the more surreal moments of New Zealand reality television.

"Heeeyyyyyy (please don't tell anyone what I like in bed)" (MediaWorks NZ)
"Heeeyyyyyy (please don't tell anyone what I like in bed)" (MediaWorks NZ)

"I thought I knew what to expect coming on as host of this show, but I was not expecting that," he said.

Really Dom?  I mean, it's New Zealand. You put 20 people together, one of them is going to have banged another one.

We got to relive Rosie and Ally confronting Karina about Dom - what a great time that was! And then Rosie refused to apologise for her behaviour! Awesome stuff! I've been told off before about the language I've used in past articles when it comes to Rosie so I won't say anything. Well, not publicly. If you want to know my thoughts, feel free to send me an email at SarahTempleton@mediaworks.co.nz.

Vanessa spoke for everyone when she noted "everyone's got a history, everyone has an ex-boyfriend - whatever Karina had going on in her past had no influence on the other girls' connections".

I'm a Vanessa fan (MediaWorks NZ)
I'm a Vanessa fan (MediaWorks NZ)

YAS VANESSA. LOOK AT YOU, COMING IN WITH YOUR PINK HAIR AND YOUR REAL TALK. Where was this gal on the show?

3. Bel's tale of tragedy where she got to relive all the times she was cruelly punched in the face by fate.

Was she drunk when this was filmed, by the way?

4. Claudia. Full stop.

Oh Claud. You spoke so well tonight, so eloquent, voiced your concerns so well. But please pleeeease take off that necklace.

Firstly, just because a necklace with a one shouldered dress is NOT GOOD. 

Secondly, she justified the weirdness by saying she wore a "necklace very similar to it throughout the show".

How does Viarni feel that she's keeping that necklance? (MediaWorks NZ)
How does Viarni feel that she's keeping that necklance? (MediaWorks NZ)

THEN WEAR THAT ONE. Not the one of the guy that gave it to you while he was dating three other women, before he SHATTERED YOUR HEART.

4b. Claudia topped off her interview by saying Zac ended up with Lily instead of Viarni. This is going so well! Blame the open bar out the back gal, that's what I always do.

5. Zac saying the word "lust"

That is all.

6. The girls calling Zac out on why he sent them home

Okay, you've come into a dating show where you know it's 19 women to one man. So why, WHY, would you waste everyone's time by asking why he sent you home? What were you expecting?

Get over the wedding, Taylah. Let's face it, you shouldn't have come on the show in the first place if your brother was getting married. Bloody ridiculous. And then she told women in the audience to shut up. So that was nice.

Wipe that smug smile off your face please (MediaWorks NZ)
Wipe that smug smile off your face please (MediaWorks NZ)

Nina (remember her?) also chipped in, saying he was a "bit rubbishy" to not give her the "benefit of the doubt". Because that's what you want in the future love of your life. Nothing but doubts which you bury down and ignore.

Thank god for sassy Vanessa, who noted: "If you don't feel it, you don't feel it".

Vanessa! You're giving me life tonight girl, I'm LOVING IT.

8. When I fell the stairs on my way out. I absolutely stacked it as I tried to make a subtle exit. Yay!

Happy Bachelor NZ season three everybody! What a wild ride it's been. Thank you especially to Theresa, who left my favourite constructive feedback of the season.

The Bachelor NZ 2017 recap: The women may be telling all, but I am done talking

I do it for the fans! Don't worry Theresa, I'll be back next season!

Newshub.

Watch the episode again on Three Now.