It was first week back of New Zealand's most unobtainable competitive show, something I've been excited about all year. It was a whirlwind first week, with the contestants competing not only to pick their own home, but also getting the chance, through a lot of physically exhausting challenges, to choose everyone's houses for them.
Ling and Zing (not their real names, don't worry), brothers from Christchurch, won, and dealt out the properties like from the hand of God.
It was then straight into the first bedrooms, which - surprise! - were all individually themed. Because if there's one thing an Auckland homebuyer wants, it's a specific set of bedrooms catered to age and gender. I'm getting Extreme Makeover Home Edition flashbacks.
I've been given this platform, so I'm going to shamelessly exploit it by this week simply telling you my thoughts on the rooms. I've seen every season of The Block and The Block Australia, and also did a day's work experience at an interior design company in year 12 before realising I had no talent in that field whatsoever. You can trust me.
The reveals:
Ling and Zing
Ling and Zing were given the bedroom of a three-year-old girl, which they were "not super stoked" about. I'll tell you what I'm super stoked about - some of the banger lines Ling and/or Zing pulled out this week, including the inspirational, "We bloody won because we put the guts of it in, and there you go there you have it." At least, I think that's what they said. Their ability to speak without moving their mouths is nothing short of amazing.
The brothers used a particularly unique design style, which included some amazing sketches on the wall with inspirational messages like "1+1=2", and fun bubble clouds around the power point. That was the only really exciting bit of the room, which says a lot. Judge Jason was so bored by it he yelled, "It's just boring white walls? Are you kidding me?" It was feedback to which Ling replied, "What did they expect - us to put a rollercoaster or something in there?"
If it were Extreme Makeover Home Edition they would have boys. Just saying. Then again, the more that goes in, the more a family without a three-year-old girl would have to take out.
Andy and Nate
Brothers-in-law Andy and Nate from Hamilton were given the room of a 16-year-old girl, which they said was "out of their comfort zone". I can't wait to see a themed room that's in their comfort zone, because this was bloody nice. Sixteen-year-old me would have been very excited. To be honest, 23-year-old me would actually love it as well. It was warm and pretty and I would love to curl up in that big wooden bed. These boys are going to be the ones to watch!
Julia and Ali
Identical twins Julia and Ali from Auckland were given the room of a six-year-old boy.
The twins did really nice things on the morning of the reveal, like go to the brothers-in-law for help "because we know they won't say no", and then ask without silly words like please or thank you. So maybe I'm starting with a bias. But God, this was awful.
The jungle theme was cool in theory, but like many things that are good in theory, ended up a "disaster". Like the time I tried to cut my own fringe.
The bed was made out of beer crates, which feels weird for a child's bedroom, as does the animal print. Is this a child's room or a themed room in a dodgy massage parlour?
Stace and Yanita
These two happy, yoga-loving friends from Palmy were given the room of a 13-year-old boy. The result was a hell of a lot cleaner and shinier than any teenage boy's room I have ever seen.
The wraparound American oak timber feature desk was pretty cool, but also the teeniest, tiniest desk a teenage student would ever work on. The Star Wars poster was awkward, and looked like the strategically placed poster we had in our old flat to cover up a massive hole in the wall. It was just a bit bleurgh, which I hate saying because Stace and Yanita seem so nice. But the room reminded me of a particularly jazzy hospital room.
Unsurprisingly, Andy and Nate walked away with the win, which was a tough pill to swallow for the twin terrors. But I have a feeling all the teams will be upping their game a lot net week, as this seemed to be an eye-opening judging.
Newshub.
