They say, repeatedly, that kitchens sell houses, so this was one of the most important weeks on The Block NZ. It's when we get a real impression over whether the houses are actually going to sell, or whether we're going to have to sit through another awkward AF auction à la Ben and Quinn in season three.
Surprisingly, all four teams pulled out some wins this week, with some real surprises in store.
Ling and Zing
It's already been a big week for Christchurch, after the Crusaders won Saturday's rugby (I think. Did they? Actually please don't email in if that's wrong). And my home city was primed for another win from the Southern brothers. They were boosted by a support package from home, where everyone was blessed to witness Ling's emotional moment over his girlfriend back home, Laura.
"That's my girlfriend; she's quite hot ae." You'd be stoked.
Sometimes I feel like my brain cells are dying as I watch these two. Or maybe it's the two bottles of wine I drank last night. Who knows?
But Ling and Zing really got their A into G this week, clad in sports bands to churn out what they said was their best room yet.
I have to say, I agree with them. Ling and Zing's room was my favourite of the week. I'm a sucker for bronze.
It also led to my favourite moment of the week: Julia and Ali's faces as Ling and Zing's high praise was read out.
If kitchens sell houses, does this mean the Christchurch brothers are back in the game?
Julia and Ali
Ah, my two favourite humans. After last week's broken rules drama, it was good to see the twins were back to their sulky, petulant selves this week, accusing the other Blockheads of being sore losers and going through menopause.
I love seeing Julia and Ali in action on a Sunday, because no matter how badly I've behaved this weekend, I can think, "At least I'm not Julia and Ali".
Their kitchen cabinetry was the colour of actual urine so thank God they had a couple of standout features to see them through this week: a beautiful bench top and a phallic candy-coloured neon light feature.
At least until the bench top broke and the girls' bad luck snowballed as they scrambled to replace it.
It all came together though, and the twins came up with a kitchen that looked like something out of the Sims computer game, but like, in a good way.
The judges said the scullery was a good place to dump unwanted rubbish out of sight, so maybe Julia and Ali's attitudes could be biffed down there.
Their one critique was that the storage of the microwave was poor. Luckily Julia and/or Ali (who can tell the difference at this point) had a quick clapback, because you know, judges' comments are up for argument. "I don't usually cook in the microwave, so it doesn't bother me but maybe he has a lot of reheat meals or something."
Wow.
Stace and Yanita
Running on two hours sleep (I feel ya gals), Stace and Yanita were more broken than the twins' bench top this week.
Sometimes it's hard to tell who's running the besties' house. They were talked into weird Family Bar-coloured lighting by their builders, had no idea their plasterer was coming around, and couldn't pick a rug to save themselves.
It led to Stace getting sick, so much so that she had to bail to the bathroom. But hey, no worries, because the camera crew were there to run down and try and get a shot of her puking! Thank God! That's why we tune in, let's not waste these precious moments.
Despite all these pickles, they managed to turn out a light and bright kitchen that was something out of the handbook for 'Kiwi dream home'. Highlights were the bold feature wall in the dining room, and that selection of delicious looking muffins judge Jason couldn't help but rip into. Countdown's finest, I do believe.
Andy and Nate
Andy and Nate, or 'sexy and romantic ' as they now go by (their own nickname choice, not mine, I swear) had an eventful week. They picked up two challenge wins, made new alliances with Ling and Zing and went black on black for their kitchen. It was a controversial choice, given the infamous 1/10 all-black kitchen of season four (#neverforget).
However despite the bold choice, the boys chickened out with their zany splashback tiles, instead going for the tiles from their losing bathroom in the kitchen instead. Sensible!
It's probably my biased love for these gents coming through, but I actually love that kitchen, in an Adams Family kind of way. Maybe it's because the timber and texture softens it, and it feels glam and sexy. Maybe it's because my hungover soul wants to sit in that dark, cold room forever. I couldn't possibly say. The one let down was that stupid neon 'shaka' light - it's not 2003 guys. Why don't you just put one of those big, red hand chairs in there if that's the theme you're going for.
With one of the closest judging ceremonies yet, Julia and Ali ended up taking out the win for the week.
Happy for them.
Yep.
The Block NZ airs Monday-Wednesday at 7:30pm and Sundays at 7pm on Three.
