Married At First Sight NZ 2017 episode 2 recap: An angel, a 'Dream' pillow and a kunekune pig

Following on from the highs and lows of the premiere episode of Married At First Sight, there was no rest for the hitched, as we were confronted with two brand-new couples.

But gotta be up front, one of them weren't so new to me, because I was one of the lucky few who got to attend the wedding of Brett and Angel.

More on that in just a sec.

Firstly, we got to enjoy last night's couples waking up in their hotel rooms, which was really, really not weird.

Really.

It gave the impression that the camera crew had stayed overnight with them, which was a situation where there were no winners. Still, it was pretty cute, everyone all loved up and still there, and not having done a runner in the night.

Claire wearing Dom's shirt in bed, sipping a cuppa he made her was pretty endearing. Dom lying on the bed, wearing only a shirt and just one stray movement away from revealing his little "Mr Fluffy" was less so.

But there was no time to linger, we had more strangers to marry!

In the words of AM Show reporter Sam Farrell; "THESE TWO".
In the words of AM Show reporter Sam Farrell; "THESE TWO". Photo credit: Mediaworks.

Angel and Brett

It was only a matter of time, before we were faced with the conundrum that plagued so many of the couples on the Aussie version - two married strangers living in different cities.

Different islands even, with Brett a true-blue sign-making Southern lad and Angel a Wellington- based... angel.

(Get ready for that gag to feature a lot.) 

With no explanation as to why a camera crew was present at their chilled family lunch, Angel broke the news to her father and cute-as-a-button grandma that she was getting married to a stranger in five days.

Apparently, this was par for the course for a gal, who seems to go through life like a five-year-old hitting the fairy bread hard at a kid's birthday party. All she wants is a guy who's down to "loosen their belt buckles".

HEYOOO YASSS ANGEL GEDDIT GURL.

I have to say, this couple I genuinely have my fingers crossed for.

Am I biased because I was one of the lucky few who got to sit in at their wedding, and drink too much chardonnay and eat a lot of bread, while chatting to their divine friends and family?

Yes, of course I am.

Look, there I am!

IT'S ME.
IT'S ME.

This is not a situation where editing was favourable to the annoyingly good-looking and friendly pair. I can say, hand on heart, that in real life, the day had as much fun and laughter as it appeared to on television.

I got teary watching it again and I'm way less drunk this time, so there you go. 

Straight up, with their picking each other up, and getting sore faces from laughing and stuff, straight up, they were just cute as hell.

I die. RIP me.
I die. RIP me. Photo credit: Mediaworks.

Andrew and Vicky

Ah, every silver lining needs some clouds.

Vicky, a blonde, pretty air hostess, is looking for her 'Prince Charming', whose list of qualities end at "tall". She loves fairy tales and Disney, and has a Kmart pillow with the word 'Dream' on it.

So, of course, her perfect match would be a "party boy" tradie, whose ex-girlfriends became strippers, and who has a ripped out kitchen that only contains beer and a pet pig, and who addresses his nerves as "absolutely sacking it".

Makes sense.

Still, let's play on with fingers crossed.  

I'm really hoping it was a case of extreme nerves that made Vicky unable to articulate many thoughts throughout the episode. Who can blame her?

But as she was getting ready, she was firm about one thing:  "I'm 100 percent hoping he's my Prince Charming, 100 percent hoping he's my dream man.

"I'm sick of looking - this is the guy I want to be with."

So Andrew shouldn't have been feeling as sweaty as he said he was! There was absolutely no pressure - NONE AT ALL.

It started with a hiss and a roar. As Vicky walked down the aisle, Andrew looked straight up stoked.

"HI. YOU'RE BEAITIFUL," he yelled in her face, kind of ruining the gal's fairy-tale moment.

Side note: Was anyone else weirded out by the ceremony? What is this "of your own free choice" stuff?

We've all worn that look. Usually when the guy buying you a drink tries to like, talk to you.
We've all worn that look. Usually when the guy buying you a drink tries to like, talk to you. Photo credit: Mediaworks

Were there masked producers holding guns to the heads of puppies behind the cameras that we couldn't see?

It was cool though, because the moment was saved by Vicky reciting a lengthy poem, so that was fine.

"Fine" was actually the word du jour, used by Vicky for such insignificant moments as the couple's first kiss.

"It was fine," she raved. "I was actually expecting it to be way worse, but it was fine."

Luckily, things began to thaw, thanks to Andrew's incessant affection, which would have warmed someone out of a cryogenic chamber.

That was until - BAM! - mother-in-law Sandra poured cold water all over the situation by grabbing her daughter in a vice grip and telling her to tell Andrew to calm down on the PDA. 

Was the resulting conversation between Vicky and Andrew the most awkward thing anyone has seen?

No, of course it wasn't. You can always search proposal rejections at major sports games for the something that just might top it.

Despite the differences in tone, both weddings ended up in the same place - that famous Rydges hotel suite that we've come to know and love from such episodes as last night's one.

Angel and Brett flirted and touched, and clearly looked forward to sharing some, ah... conversation in that bed.

Maybe this was a chance for Vicky and Andrew to repair any awkwardness.

OH MY GOD, SHE'S MAKING HIM SLEEP ON THE COUCH.

RIP.

Married At First Sight airs Sunday and Monday nights on Three. Watch the full episode again on ThreeNow.