Sunday's episode of Married At First Sight NZ brought with it the long-awaited dinner
party - a chance for many large personalities and some larger egos to gather around the table and enjoy a chilled and sociable evening over a steak.
Ha! Nah, it was a chance for another s**tshow.
The night was of particular excitement for Vicky and Ben, who discussed how excited they were for drama and negative energy, because that's the kind of people they are, I guess. Andrew stood next to them and was forced to do some pretty impressive physical comedy to try and get their attention, but alas they only had eyes for each other.
In contrast, Brett and Angel's apartment is a drama-free zone, with the biggest scandal of the day being that Brett doesn't have any of the others on social media, including his wife. That revelation made me feel pretty damn special because Brett actually follows me on Instagram so - am I more important to him than his own wife? That's the only conclusion I can draw out of this.
I had my fingers crossed Andrew was going to wear one of his new designer sleeveless tees to the dinner party now he's a big shot. They carry some sick branding, but he's still Andy from the block. But instead he donned a shirt, Vicky put on a dress that I've already "saved to cart" because I have a problem, and everyone carried on their merry way off to an eerily empty restaurant to get pissed and talk s**t about each other.
The couples had an open bar to themselves, which is my idea of Disneyland, but showed real restraint by only holding one drink at a time as they gathered in the otherwise silent venue. The conversation continually grew more stilted. The tones got a lot higher pitched, and watching it got more and uncomfortable.
Brett was the first to make a bolt for it, walking away to focus fully on the food, which is what any decent person would do in the same situation - stuffed mushrooms apparently, controversial hors d'oeuvre but it looked pretty yum.
I'm really trying to focus on the positives here. It's not easy.
The awkwardness continued at the dinner table. Once they had gotten all the mileage they could out of complimenting the bread, silence fell that went on for approximately 657 years. Aaron eventually cracked, saying it was time to "address the elephant in the room", before speaking directly to Haydn and Bel, which I personally would have found incredibly insulting.
The drama of Bel and Hadyn's rollercoaster relationship was brushed over by the time the dessert came out, which seemed to be of great disappointment to Vicky and Ben. They went to the bathroom to discuss how to make things a bit more fun, unfortunately missing some cracker The Castle impressions from Brett and Aaron, but no qualms because when they back it was time to hold court.
Vicky and Hadyn kicked things off by bringing up some old Instagram messages or something - you know, just to liven things up a bit, because that's what people in their late 20s do at a social gathering apparently.
It began a very confusing series of accusations and yelling about a timeline of events, which became increasingly harder to follow. Angel's face really summed it for everyone.
But let's be honest, we've all been a Ben at one point or another, haven't we?
Ben at the apartment: "I'm an innocent bystander in this situation".
Also Ben:
Just when it looked like Hadyn might snap the table in half, producers stepped in to call an end to the festivities.
"Boo! Make them kill each other!" the viewers in the capital must have been clamouring. The night was over before Andrew had even finished his dessert, which was the most upsetting part of the whole thing.
All the angst was too much for some. As next morning dawned it became clear Bel and Hadyn had finally called it quits. Apparently.
I mean, they might be back on the next ep. Who the f**k can keep up?
Married At First Sight airs Sunday and Monday nights on Three.
Newshub.
