How to deal with those awkward Christmas dinner conversations

OPINION: There's nothing like a family Christmas to bring together a group of people that would otherwise prefer never to spend a waking moment together.

Bringing such different characters together can be a beautiful thing - and often is - but it can also generate enough painstakingly awkward conversation to last you until the next holiday season.

Below are a few conversation starters that'll be sure to result in their fair share of eye-rolls or unneeded controversy, and how to deal with them.

"Lorde isn't real music"

A classic line from your thrash metal-loving cousin Jack. He's worn his favourite Metallica t-shirt to dinner, and after hearing you'd got your sister Lorde's Melodrama for Christmas, he's letting you know in as explicit terms as possible he thinks your gift was rubbish.

You're bristling with anger at the affront - but you need to cool your head and accept he's probably not trying to take a shot at you. It's likely he's just frustrated with Kiwis' idol worship of the 'Royals' hitmaker, thinks the New Zealand media has overrated her, and is a little disillusioned with the pop music industry.

But if you really do feel the need to wipe that smug grin off his face, gently remind him he perhaps needs to broaden his music taste to allow for artists that aren't Pantera or Guns N' Roses.

Lorde is actually really good at the kind of music she makes. Sure it's not for everyone, and all music is subjective, etc - but ultimately, Jack probably just has an issue with openly enjoying accessible music, and needs to learn he can listen to Lorde as well as his beloved Slayer and still be a music enthusiast.

"Jacinda Ardern isn't competent enough to run this country"

Big call from Granddad. He's been a staunch National supporter his entire life, so you're not really surprised to learn he's not a fan of the Labour leader - but you wish he'd be a little more open-minded to Jacinda Ardern.

To be fair, he might have a point. While "incompetent" is probably much too strong for someone who served as an adviser to Tony Blair and became leader of the country before turning 38, she is still relatively inexperienced compared to others who've occupied the role with the exception of John Key.

She's only been a Labour list MP since 2008, and her meteoric rise from that, to Labour's deputy leader, to its leader, and finally to Prime Minister, has been so quick she's barely had time to settle into each position.

But you - and more visibly, your cousin - just get the feeling Granddad's comments might be at least a little motivated by Ms Ardern's age and gender. The Prime Minister's proven her competency in myriad other ways, and perhaps he just needs to sit tight for the next three years and let her do her thing before casting his aspersions.

"Back in my day, we didn't obsess over meaningless presents like you lot do"

It's Nana this time; and while you know there's probably a modicum of truth to her statement - and that she's much too old to change her mind at this late stage of her life - you're not going to let the comment slide.

At the heart of it, she's probably right: consumerism has got out of control. It's probably at its peak level right now, and it's clear we're buying too much and at such an unsustainable level that it's destroying our environment.

But it's driven by multinational companies with gigantic budgets that can drive huge marketing campaigns which - especially at Christmas time - make buying things such a cathartic and emotionally satisfying experience.

Millennials get plenty of stick for being selfish, narcissistic and buying things for ourselves, but the reality is there is so much more on offer now than there ever has been - and you know if Nana was born into a later generation, she'd be spending up large herself.

Also, would it be too much to ask for her to get into the Christmas spirit just a little bit?

"Men can't do anything without it being called sexual assault"

Yikes.

This remark has been brewing up within Uncle John since the Harvey Weinstein scandal broke back in October. He's been left a little perturbed by what he refers to as the "feminazi backlash" to that saga, and the way it's resulted in some pillars of Hollywood and beyond with their reputations sullied and careers ruined.

But you're more than a little uneasy that rather than focusing on the numerous women who've had their lives damaged by sexual misconduct in all its forms, Uncle John's chosen to give his sympathy to the perpetrators.

He's completely wrong that men can't do anything without it being deemed sexual assault; they can do plenty of things, many of them sexual - but they just need consent first. It's a reasonably simple way to work out what is and what isn't okay.

And it's not just about rape, which is undeniably awful, but sexual harassment too. Sure, speaking about things in an overtly sexual manner with a female colleague or giving a quick slap on the bum might seem like banter to Uncle John, but it makes the person on the receiving end feel extremely uncomfortable.

The only reason he thinks otherwise is because for so long, men have dictated what is and isn't acceptable - but now women are finally getting their own back. Don't let him get away with that comment.

"We shouldn't take refugees from Manus - we've got enough problems here"

It's an interesting comment from Auntie Karen, and reflects the views of the majority of New Zealand too, according to this AM Show poll.

And it comes from a place of care too - we do have plenty of problems here, which Kiwi filmmaker Taika Waititi so aptly listed - and bringing refugees here is an added issue that we'd have to deal with.

But it might be worth noting that Jacinda Ardern only wants 150 more of them - pretty negligible, even if that is a seventh of New Zealand's current refugee quota.

The reality is most of those on Manus Island are genuine asylum seekers that desperately need help, with the health of those there deteriorating rapidly.

Perhaps we all just need to learn to be a little more generous, and recognise that looking after others doesn't have to come at the expense of looking after our own.

That's the spirit of Christmas, after all.