OPINION: Helen Clark doesn’t have kids; she must be a lesbian. Neither does Theresa May; she must be cold, calculating and unsympathetic.
These are just some of the assumptions people have made about women who decide, for medical or personal reasons, not have to children.
Why?
In Medieval Europe, infertile women were considered witches and often whipped, tortured or burned at the stake for failing to bear fruit.
That infertile women were shunned and outcast from society dates even further back in human history when ancient Indian societies viewed childless women as possessed.
You might think we’ve come a long way since then, right?
Wrong.
Women still feel judged for not having children in 2017. Just ask my dear friend Amanda Gillies.
She feels 'like a failure" for not having kids at 40.
People say they don’t judge anybody for not having children but in private, I hear it time and time again, particularly from those who do have children.
"Yeah, well I could have had a big career but none of that matters once you have children."
"Oh, she’s doing so well at her job but she just doesn’t understand that none of it really matters."
And then there’s this old classic: "How could you possibly understand if you don’t have kids of your own?".
How about you get over yourselves, you self-righteous mums and dads?
Just because somebody decides not to have kids doesn’t mean their life has any less meaning than yours.
It doesn’t mean they’re any less fulfilled.
It doesn’t mean you get to judge them.
It doesn’t mean you get to take the moral high ground and claim that they "don’t understand".
It is in part thanks to those who pay taxes and don’t have children that your kids are able to enjoy free education, healthcare and family subsidies in a country like New Zealand.
It’s not spoken about openly, but it’s there. The judgement.
And it needs to stop.
Maybe, as a friend pointed out to me recently, you judge because you’re secretly insecure and regret not following your own dreams before settling down.
Whatever the reason, get over it. Life your life and stop judging others for living theirs.
Ryan Bridge is hosting RadioLIVE Drive on Tuesday from 3-6pm. He’ll be speaking to a fertility expert in reaction to Amanda Gillies’ brave on-air admission on Three’s The AM Show this morning.
