Warning: This article contains sexually explicit content that may offend some readers.
The official winner of the Bad Sex in Fiction Award has been crowned in what has been described as a "lavish ceremony".
The awards, run by UK magazine Literary Review, aim to "to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction".
In 2017 the lucky winner is American author Christopher Bollen with his novel The Destroyers, for a sex scene between the novel's protagonist and his former girlfriend.
The book centres on Ian Bledsoe as he flees the emotional and financial fallout of his father's death. It has been described as a "gripping and expansive drama about identity, power and fate".
But perhaps not this line.
"She covers her breasts with her swimsuit. The rest of her remains so delectably exposed. The skin along her arms and shoulders are different shades of tan like water stains in a bathtub," the description said.
"Her face and vagina are competing for my attention, so I glance down at the billiard rack of my penis and testicles."
The hard-fought race featured some tough competitors, such as Laurent Binet's The Seventh Function of Language, which also featured interesting use of similes.
"Bianca grabs Simon's d**k, which is hot and hard as if it's just come out of a steel forge, and connects it to her mouth-machine," one passage said.
Infamously dirty series Fifty Shades of Grey has never been nominated for the awards - in fact, in 2012 organisers told The Guardian the series would not be in contention because the awards focus on books that are not specifically erotic literature.