A lot occurred on tonight's Bachelor: there was a surprise trip across to Thailand (ooh!), a second kiss (aah!) - and SHIT. WENT. DOWN. as a new trio of Bachelorettes joined the fold.
My university lecturers would probably like me to write this about the 'othering' that occurs in shows where all-white people go to foreign country, presenting all the patronising ways the cultural divide was presented.
But I'm no longer at university so instead I've done a vindictive rundown of the new additions to the house.
It was a shock move that caused oestrogen levels in the house to rise even higher than the tropical Thai temperatures. Zac said he thought they were all like a collection of three blank books he hasn't read yet. So here are my first thoughts on the 'Catch 22's of Bachelorettes.
Intruder number 1: Sarah from Christchurch
In her one-on-one time with Zac, Sarah revealed that she felt like she was a bit too much of a big fish for the "small" pond of New Zealand, so she booked a one-way flight to Paris to get out. She then returned, to go on a national television show watched by New Zealanders and discuss how much she disliked New Zealand.
Hey Sarah, great work! Way to win the people's vote!
Her reasoning for coming on the show was: "I just figured, what's the worst that can happen?" And they say romance is dead.
Intruder number 2: Vanessa from Christchurch
As Vanessa and Zac cycled (without helmets - be road safe, guys) around a dirty pond, Zac bestowed the highest compliment a Kiwi male can lay on the object of his affection: "She's a real hard-case girl".
I give Vanessa props for the lengthy curry discussion, which is one of the best topics of conversation in my opinion. We learnt they're both fans of a massaman curry - those crazy white people and their outrageous tastes! She also makes "the meanest nachos", so you know she's a woman who embraces cultures of the world.
Intruder number 3: Karina from Auckland
Karina is one of those girls who's so beautiful it's difficult to look her directly in the face, kind of like looking into the sun. She also studies law. If she has to go on a reality television show to find love, I may as well book myself into a convent now because we're all absolutely screwed.
Zac described Karina as "stunningly beautiful, extremely intelligent and articulate", saying he thought that meant "we have a lot in common". Those have absolutely been your defining qualities across the season so far Zac.
Karina thought the pre-existing Bachelorettes might be "slightly worried" about three newcomers. Well, Karina, that's one way of putting it.
Naturally, what followed was the most awkward cocktail party yet. As the newcomers came in, the steamy Southeast Asian temperatures dropped to a chill more suited to Karina's Russian heritage.
Bel summed up all the original girls' (OGs) reactions to intruders, with the words: "I'm so f**king shook".
Claudia was all of us as she sculled back her glass of wine like a dying animal in the desert.
Viarni was also hurt, that "we've just been sitting here waiting for him and he's been spending time with other girls", as if she's not on a reality show summed up by literally those words.
Suddenly the OGs were wrapped around each other - if there's one thing that can bring a group of women together, it's banding against other women. I know this because I've been in one or both of those groups at least 10,000 times.
The rose ceremony was one of the tensest yet, with the final rose down to two: teary Lucia and intruder Vanessa. It seemed only to strength the divide between "old and new". And then to nobody's surprise, Lucia was sent home on a solo Air Asia flight back to NZ (and Katey). At least she has an amazing tan now to soothe the pain.
Will Zac ever be allowed to wear shorts in the searing Thai heat? Will Sarah willingly go back to teeny tiny NZ if she has to? Will Vanessa make the girls these "mean nachos" we've heard so much about?
Watch a new episode tomorrow at 7:30pm on Three.
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