Just in case your Monday was missing the sound of hit Top 40 bangers sung by New Zealand wedding singers to seemingly avoid copyright issues, Dancing With The Stars NZ (DWTSNZ) was back for a second round last night - and it was as thrilling as the first.
The show belonged to Bachelor stars, politics and Suzy Cato last night, in an accurate summation of our country's interests.
David Seymour: Jive to 'My Sharona'
I might not be his greatest political fan, but honestly, whose heart could not belong to David Seymour after that leather jacket. And dancing, or whatever.
I was almost as much of a fan as my flatmate, who got confused between him and Damian Light as the political honey of the nation and spent the whole performance Googling the ACT Party to see if it was appropriate for her to have a crush on him or not (she and politics are not the best of friends).
The party set social media alight with his "leg wobble" and upturned jeans. Honestly, was I the only one who said "oh wow!" in a less than sarcastic way when he was throwing Amelia round the stage and whipping off his jacket? Anyway he tried bloody hard and I got a bit teary and I'm honestly just going to be a wreck before this season is out. Everyone is trying so hard can we just declare them all winners?
Zac Anti-Bachelor Franich: Tango to 'There's Nothing Holding Me Back'
I'm sorry Zac, I really don't want to be a massively hypocritical bitch here… But who okayed the interchanging clips from Franich's season of Bachelor alongside footage of him rehearsing and living the all-carb, no haircut life that he does now? I mean that's just blatantly unfair and no matter how much you try to distract us with Fabio locks, the difference between Franich circa 2017, who lived on chicken and beach press-ups, and the actual human Franich now are evident.
Anyway, he won't give a f**k what I have to say about that because he had his number one "biggest fan" Erin Simpson in the audience, just genuinely making us all nauseous with their cuteness.
I'll tell you who probably isn't a fan of Simpson though; the female judges who basically tried to perform an explicit sex act on the reality star with their eyes while giving feedback on his tango. "I think you're just a big cuddly bear," was a particular highlight. I think we all know who wants to see Franich's tango. It was very strange and if I was Simpson I would have been saying a big fat "what the actual f**k" to the mate next to me.
Naz Khanjani: Samba to 'Waka Waka' (wot)
Khanjani was excited to show the nation the "true her" which didn't come across in her season of the Bachelor unfortunately, despite being on screens for approximately three months. Thank God she has the opportunity to quick step her way to a new image.
Her body is goals and she looked great, but honestly am I the only person who was so confused by this performance? I don't know where to begin. Not by Khanjani herself, but the fact she and her partner did a samba to 'Waka Waka' while wearing what appeared to be some sort of cheerleading outfit. I mean those things definitely go together in an acid trip but less so on a dance floor.
But anyway she danced like a superstar and threw in a cartwheel and basically showed that she has the skill to take this out. Then of course the female judges skewered her to the ground, despite telling Franich, who walked around the dance floor, that he had great potential and was doing really well.
Interesting. Isn't life a treat sometimes?
Special mention: Suzy Cato's children who simply stole the show. Her son was in absolute bits with his crossed fingers, perfectly anxious screen face, and snazzy leather jacket he wore for the tele. Meanwhile her daughter, sporting mini-Cato wire rimmed specs, had an elegance and poise I can only imagine is reminiscent of a young Helen Mirren. Get them boogying on the next episode please.
The next episode of DWTS NZ will air 7pm, Sunday on Three. Watch the full episode again on ThreeNow.