How to dump someone, according to The Breaker Upperers

If you've never considered ending a relationship through the majesty and power of country music, you may want to take some notes. 

Which is exactly what I did, at the New Zealand premiere of The Breaker Upperers.

After debuting at the South by Southwest festival in Texas, the homegrown comedy played before a Kiwi audience for the first time in Auckland on Tuesday night.

Who better to ask about how to dump someone than Madeline Sami and Jackie van Beek, who made a movie about it? 

So if you've been panicking about how to dump your partner since you learned they're the kind of person that applauds when a plane lands, or puts the milk in before the tea bag, fear not. I've done the hard work for you, by forcing the cast of The Breaker Upperers to break up with me. Repeatedly. 

Van Beek kicked off the heartbreak by adopting a nature theme, injecting some poetic imagery into the proceedings.

"We walked into the forest together but you saw a... kind of a bird, and went that way. I saw a stick and went the other way and I think maybe we should just find our own destinations." 

This approach left me feeling strangely zen. I was, however, unsure if I was the one who saw the stick or the bird - and if it was the stick, what that said about me as a person. 

Sami made sure to massage my fragile ego, whilst also painting a stunning metaphorical artwork that could put Bob Ross out of business.

"I feel like you're blossoming right now, and I feel like I'm holding you back," she said. 

"You're a mountain - I'm a tiny squirrel, or a rat."

The film, dubbed an 'anti rom-com', also features Boy star James Rolleston, along with a break-out performance by newcomer Ana Scotney which is - to use her character Sepa's words - "Sacha Fierce". 


Scotney came prepared with a long-list of break up tactics, including reciting the lyrics to TLC's song 'No Scrubs' or taking your unsuspecting partner out for a watermelon juice, which does sound like a delicious way to have your dreams torn asunder. 

Rolleston, always humble, was reluctant to admit he had any experience in the business of breaking hearts, before going for a classic approach.

"These past six months have been awesome, but... just really not feeling it. I just can't do it anymore, I have to go." 

I was surprised to hear it had only been six months, but he is a busy movie star and he had to go. I understood. 

The Breaker Upperers opens in cinemas today.