Married At First Sight NZ 2018 episode 1 recap: Like sheep to the altar

Off the back of The Block NZ grand final, it's tools down, veils up as Married At First Sight NZ returns.

Once again, a group of hopeful singles from around the country have snapped up the opportunity to get hitched to a complete stranger, take some uncomfortable wedding photos and then just, you know, hope for the best.

In season two's debut we watch Monique, Fraser, Wayne and Ksenia prepare to tie the knot, and we have to wonder: 'what on earth are they thinking?'

Fraser tried to tell us, but just sounded like someone convincing their mates they're "all good" after a long day at a music festival.

"I am feeling everything. It's hitting me, but it's hitting me in a good way."

Fraser in the midst of a "nerdgasm."
Fraser in the midst of a "nerdgasm." Photo credit: MediaWorks

Fraser and Monique

Fraser is a geek and proud of it. He swiftly illustrates this point by rating his excitement level at a 13.2 out of 10.


As it turns out, that's not the only thing Fraser's weirdly specific about.

He wants his ideal woman to have "pretty strong eyebrows", and also would "really like for them to have two legs".

"You know, two of everything... when that's the normal number of things to have."

Oh Fraser, bub. What the hell are you talking about? Let's take a breath, and maybe go back to doing some of those vocal exercises you like to do in the shower.

Fraser is undeterred. He's got the kind of relentless optimism that would make Brett and Angel from season one proud.

His smile stays firmly on his dial, even when his Jehovah's Witness father lapses into the world's longest ever recorded silence when hearing of his first-born's wedding plans.

Monique, bringing with her a great set of eyebrows, two legs and an equally smiley dial, appears to be a great match.

Monique and her stunning brow game.
Monique and her stunning brow game. Photo credit: MediaWorks

She announces her upcoming nuptials to her family with a simple directive: "get shredding for the wedding!"

Fraser would have almost certainly cracked up at that zinger, had they met yet.

But Monique's family couldn't have had much time to get ripped, because before we knew it, the wedding was upon us, and Fraser was fist-pumping "yes!" in response to one of the bridesmaids.                                                       

"That's not the bride? Damn it."

Congrats Fraser, you've delivered the first horrendously cringe-inducing moment of the series.

A toast!

Here's to many more.

Ksenia and Wayne

Russian-born beauty Ksenia loves to have a lol.

It's true, she does.
It's true, she does. Photo credit: MediaWorks

She chuckles while feeding the ducks, giggles as she says, "I'd marry myself if I could!" and cackles in a vaguely psychotic manner when asked about her previous heartbreaks.

All jokes are off, though, when she holds a hen's party at a place called The Vodka Room that has giant bearskins adorning the walls and definitely doesn't play into any Russian stereotypes at all.

Ksenia's girlfriends could give Taylor Swift's squad a run for their money: long hair, matching neutral-toned outfits and cheekbones almost sharp enough to cut the tension created by Ksenia's wedding announcement.

Nastrovia, everybody!
Nastrovia, everybody! Photo credit: MediaWorks

"I don't think they're scared or nervous and I'm not scared and nervous either," Ksenia says, unconvincingly.

Wait, what's that sound?

Oh, it's just Kensia's future hubby Wayne on his dirtbike, about to blow the absolute freaking roof off Taco Tuesday by telling his pals he'll be marrying a random.

"I didn't think you were that desperate, mate!" one guy responds.

"It's so crazy to have Taco Tuesday, and then this gets announced," friends Heather and Christa say later, probably clutching a packet of Old El Paso seasoning for comfort.

The tacos will have to wait for Heather and Christa.
The tacos will have to wait for Heather and Christa. Photo credit: MediaWorks

In a horrifying turn of events, it appeared that Wayne's taco-eating days were almost over when he reckoned he was having "like, a heart attack" minutes before the ceremony.


"Nah, I'm alright, let's just do this."


"F**k, that was odd."


Wayne, you okay bud?
Wayne, you okay bud? Photo credit: MediaWorks

Against all odds, Wayne makes it to the altar, and redeems himself with the second most wholesome moment of the episode, just behind Fraser saying the phrase: "mum will have kittens!"

On seeing his bride for the first time, Wayno's jaw drops to the ground in an adorably exaggerated fashion, and for a brief, slow-mo moment - all is right with the world.

Get you a man who looks at you the way Wayne looks at Ksenia.
Get you a man who looks at you the way Wayne looks at Ksenia. Photo credit: MediaWorks

Tomorrow night's episode promises another wedding, more manic laughter from Ksenia, and some stunning drone footage of Bali.

And in the always confusing words of Fraser, I must say, "I'm excellently in mind with that."

Married At First Sight NZ airs on Sundays at 7pm, and Mondays and Tuesdays at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed on ThreeNow.