He may have ridden into their wedding on a white horse - literally - but Married At First Sight Australia bride Melissa Lucarelli says her ex-husband Dino Hira was far from a prince charming.
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When I mention Dino during our interview, a noise comes out of Melissa that sounds a bit like a seagull regurgitating a fish bone.
"Oh my God, sorry, I did not mean to do that!" she cries.
But she's unapologetic about her stance on Dino, whose intentions were about as genuine as his hair - he wears a toupee - if you ask Mel.
"He had kind of a rehearsed personality that I felt that he put on to the camera and it used to infuriate me," she says.
"He actually used to just take selfies all day and upload them on social media. Like, he is obsessed with himself.
"He doesn't banter, he really doesn't have a sense of humour. I don't even think he knew what he was talking about half the time.
"It was really unfortunate."
Between promoting himself as the author of "the most boring book ever", treating her to weird massage-strip-tease-hybrids and spouting "spiritual widju wadja", Dino's worst crime was secretly recording Mel, she says.
The couple left the experiment after Dino admitted he had filmed his wife talking (read: bitching) to her sister about him, but Mel says that wasn't the only time.
"It was three days later when I caught him trying to record me again," she says.
"It was a conversation between myself and him where he was saying some not very nice things to get a reaction out of me and that's when I saw him with his iPhone recording."
Apparently she was tipped off by the fact he had his phone tucked into the side of his boxer shorts, which, if true, is a pretty weird move, Dino.
"It was just infuriating and it made me feel really creepy because it was like, 'how many other times have you been recording me?'" Mel says.
So Dino's just a straight-up liar, then? "Absolutely," according to Mel.
Watch the video to hear Mel spill more piping hot tea about her former husband, her love life post-experiment and whether her infamous "sex drought" is still in effect.
Married At First Sight Australia is currently airing on Sundays at 7pm and Monday -Wednesday at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed online on ThreeNow.