Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood

Time for the second episode of Married At First Sight, where four more singles are set to tie the knot to someone they know less well than their divorced aunt's new boyfriend. 

Will two new couples build a relationship strong enough to stand the test of time? 

Or, will their marriages crumble, like Jordan's pillow wall from last night's episode. 

There's not even one protective throw cushion to be found in Anna and Jordan's marital bed this morning, but we'll have to leave them to awkwardly spoon in peace, because wedding bells are tolling once more. 

Vicky and Stefaan 

Vicky is a well-travelled gal, who says she's sometimes a bit of a goof. 

Goofy is right, Vicky! You've just left your passport sitting around open on your bed, as you reminisce about your OE! That's a very important document, please pop it back in your bedside draw immediately! 

Stefaan, meanwhile, reckons his mates refer to him as the "pool boy that gets chased around by all the hot mums and stuff", but has not yet managed to land a cougar long-term. 

Poor old Stef has never been in love, or even in a real relationship - he suspects this is due to his heart being stolen by an as-yet unnamed assailant in Kindergarten. 

It's hard to know who to blame, really, or what to say, if you're Vicky's mum. 

"I really don't know what to say," she says. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Thing is, actually, Vicky's mum has heaps of good things to say, all delivered in a soothing South African accent that I'd like to make the voice of my Google Maps immediately. 

"Am I doing the right thing?" Vicky asks through tears. 

"Of course you haven't done the right thing, you silly girl!" her mum replies. 

A well-executed mum-burn is quite a thing to behold. Just ask my mother, who's dating advice to me was that I "didn't need to be my full self all of the time". 

Meanwhile, Stefaan's groomsmen won't practice his first dance with him, so Tito the cat gets roped in. He dutifully suffers the indignity to help Stefaan, who by his own admission "lacks intimacy" and, actually, can hardly pronounce it. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Despite the lingering doubts of both Tito the cat and Vicky's mum, the actual wedding goes pretty well. That is until we hear that Vicky's "disappointed" with her groom and that her "body is like, real confused". 

Stefaan's body seems stoked. He nailed his vows without having to read them off the paper, and he looked really strong when he picked his new wife up during the photoshoot. 

Having battled through the reception, Vicky's hesitations were surely made worse on checking into hotel room number 911. 

Call the police, there's a dangerous lack of sexual chemistry here. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Jonathan and Ray  

Rugby-playing party-boy Ray and yoga-loving marketing manager Jonathan seem too different at first, but they both select the same blazer to wear at their wedding, and if that's not destiny, I just don't know what is. 

Ray's mate says the jacket doesn't matter 'cos "it'll end up on the floor". It's a line that's always repulsed me on Tinder, but today fills me with hope, considering thus far no one's gotten even a whiff of any action. 

As the big day rolls around, Ray can be found stress-vaping outside and considering doing a runner. 

Thankfully, he decides to keep both his feet firmly planted on the ground, especially once they're wearing the extremely cute socks his husband-to-be sent him as a gift. 

Keeping one pair for himself, Jonathon has hatched a plan to have both of them wearing matching socks, so that they'll "already have something in common". 

It's like I always say: 'If you can't pick your groom, you can at least pick his accessories'. 

Ray seems to have gotten the memo, too, gifting Jonathon a rather lovely watch that suddenly makes the socks look a bit less impressive. 

"A watch definitely trumps the socks, I'm sorry," says Jonathon's sister, who, seeing an opportunity in the lack of bride at this wedding, has decided to dress as one herself. 

Like, really? We're just going to gloss over the fact she's wearing a long white sequined gown? At her brother's wedding? Yes? Okay, as you were. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood
Photo credit: MediaWorks

When Ray and Jonathan finally meet, it's abundantly clear they don't need any matching socks or blazers to be a match made in well-groomed heaven. 

These guys are so into each other that they high-five at the altar about how hot they both are. 

Their first kiss was so incredible, it made me slide off my chair and onto the floor of the newsroom, where I remained for the rest of their makeout sessions, much to the disdain of my co-workers. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode two recap: Sock on wood
Photo credit: MediaWorks

The guests are all very good looking, the grooms are beaming, everything's perfect - this isn't how a reality TV wedding is meant to go, is it? 

Then, disaster strikes when it's discovered Ray is a smoker, which Jonathon says is a deal-breaker. 

Wait, deal-breaker? Jonathan, no! 

Ray can change! He's got a vape pen! He'll get the watermelon flavour one, it might even be rather pleasant! 

Whether it's the power of the socks or not, we'll never know - but thankfully, Jonathan reconsiders, and decides the odd durrie is not a dealbreaker after all. 

Ray and Jonathan's hotel room is number 913, which everyone knows is one of the sexiest numbers around. They can scarcely keep their mitts off each other long enough to check-in. 

There's no question these two have something good going on. The question of 'socks on or off', however, will have to wait. 

Married at First Sight NZ will return on Monday night on Three at 7:30pm and can be viewed again via ThreeNow.

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