Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt

The latest episode of Married At First Sight NZ featured the third and - thank God - final commitment ceremony, where the couples decide to stay or leave for the last time. 

That is until next week's vow renewals, where they'll need to say stay or leave again, but this time in fancier clothes. 

Expert Stephanie reminds us the latest commitment ceremony is a time for our couples "to be truthfully honest", rather than that pesky untruthful honesty that crops up so often. 

Vicky and Stefaan 

When Vefaan return to their apartment after the home visits, the roses in the vase are wilted and withered, much like what was left of their relationship. 

"I feel like I'm in a relationship where it's coming to an end, but neither of us wants to let each other go," Vicky says. 

I get the feeling the sentiment is more 'I feel like I'm in a relationship I knew was doomed from the start but I don't want to admit applying for this show was a horrendous decision," but what do I know? 

"Do you love me?" asks Stefaan. 

"Ah, you've chucked me on the spot again," Vicky sighs. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

At least there's some levity to be found at the boys pre-drinks, where it's revealed that Stefaan and Vicky have been getting it on, despite their clear disdain for one another. 

"Do you think you're top shagger now?" Jimmy asks Stefaan. 

"The old boy is getting a bit sore," Stefaan smiles into his beer. 

"F**ks sake," says Jordan, on behalf of the nation. Sidebar: did you guys know Jordan could swear? 

Stefaan and his sex injury somehow make it to the commitment ceremony, where he is joined by Vicky on the Couch of Confusion once more. 

"I'm just clouded with a shadow of doubt," Stefaan says, claiming he's waking up to a different version of Vicky each day. 

That cloudy doubt shadow has made it especially difficult for Stefaan, the metaphor master, to cross the river that separates him from his fairytale ending, he explains. 

Exhausted from battling metaphorical clouds, Stefaan's attempt at a power move is weak. He writes 'LEA', before crossing it out and writing 'stay' instead. 

Afterwards, Vicky calls him a "dick", which has got to hurt both his ego and that aforementioned sore old boy. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

James and Carmen 

Things are getting real for the season's star couple, who are taking a romantic walk on the beach to discuss the serious matter of Carmen moving to Christchurch, I presume. 

C: Oh, a jellyfish!

J: If you get stung by one then you piss on it, don't you? 

C: Yeah.

J: Kinky. 

Oh. Nevermind. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

As for the whole 'Carmen uprooting her entire life for him' thing, he reckons he "hasn't thought about it much". 

That's fine, Jimmy, except Carmen's been bawling her eyes out, worried about making the right choice. Weirdly, your assurance you would wee on her should she need you to has not entirely quelled her insecurities. 

Later, James tells the experts his mates gave Carmen 'Stimpzy' Stimpson a nickname, which is apparently an even more prestigious honour that the promise of one day being peed on. 

Look, there's no harm in celebrating the small victories though, is there? With the living situation unresolved, Carmen is pleased the relationship has progressed past just lust. 

"Two days ago, we didn't have sex for the whole day!" she tells Steph and Tony proudly. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Of course, they both chose to stay in the experiment. Carmen, embracing her new nickname, writes 'Stimpzy says stay'. 

This is an improvement on last time, when she accidentally wrote 'absolute-y', which I've since learned is fun to say and incorporate into daily life. Try it, you'll see. 

Anna and Jordan 

When we catch up with Anna, she's feeling hella anxious while checking her Instagram comments in bed. 

For most of us, this only happens after forgetting you uploaded that blurry twerking video from the night before. For poor old Anna, it's much more serious. She's being targeted by nasty trolls about her leaked sex tape, and it's very uncool. 

Jordan's got a lot of very supportive things to say about standing by his wife. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what they were, because the editors laid his monologue over shots of him assembling his race car in a very sexy way and I couldn't concentrate. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Anyway, the best antidote for this icky situation is obviously takeaways and a spot of footy on the beach, during which time Jordan proves he really does know best. 

"You're going to lose a gumboot, I guarantee it," he tells Anna as she attempts to kick a rugby ball with her red bands on. 

"No," she says, as the gumboot soars into the sky, hitting her on the way down. 

"Hahahah," they both say. It's nice. 

Married At First Sight NZ 2019 episode 14 recap: Cloudy with a chance of doubt
Photo credit: MediaWorks

Later, at the commitment ceremony, expert Steph observes: "There's no support manual called How To Be There For Girlfriend When Sex Tape Explodes, is there, Jordan?"

I Googled it - there isn't, and the material that my search did bring up will have definitely forced the IT guys at work to add me to some kind of watchlist. 

Despite the lack of supplementary reading material, Jordanna have each chosen to stay and weather the sex tape storm for another day. 

At least they've got those gumboots. 

Married At First Sight NZ airs Sunday at 7.00pm and Monday - Tuesday at 7.30pm on Three. Previous episodes can be viewed on ThreeNow

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