Dating: 'Orbiting' is the new trend guaranteed to make you crazy

woman stressed on the phone
You thought ghosting was bad... orbiting is even worse. Photo credit: Getty

If you've only just gotten over being ghosted, now there's a whole new dating trend to feel paranoid about! Yay!

In the age of social media, its nigh on impossible to bid farewell to someone forever.

So say hello to 'orbiting', in which your ex-partner, who more often than not attempted to fade quickly and efficiently out of your life, watches all your Instagram and Snapchat stories, retweets your tweets, and even leaves the odd 'haha' comment on your photos.

Take Auckland woman Victoria, 26. She met Simon* on Tinder. Chatting lead to flirting which lead to a dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. The pair had three dates, which Victoria describes as "successful".

"Then after the third, he just ghosted me," she told me. "No texts, nothing. But he was liking all of my shit on social media."

Out of the blue several weeks later, Simon sent Victoria a topless snap, asking if she wanted to come round and watch a movie. (I know. What a guy.)

She asked if they could get dinner instead, which Simon agreed to - before pulling out an hour beforehand.

"And now he still watches all my stories and likes my Instagram photos," Victoria says. "He's always there, but we never talk."

So, does Simon want a relationship with Victoria? No! (Sorry Vic.) Strap on your space helmet Simon, you're a classic orbiter.

This type of emotional manipulation can carry on for months, or even years, and dating expert Persia Lawson told the BBC it's just so people can keep their options open.

"It's all about having one foot in and one foot out," she says. "It's a way of them showing you, 'Hey, I'm still here', but not getting into a relationship.

"They're keeping communication ever so slightly open, just in case they decide they want to start things up again."

Lawson says being orbited leads to nothing but a waste of valuable time and energy, as you watch your own Instagram stories trying to decide how it appeared to that person you slept with a year ago.

"How could you possibly have a relationship with this person? They're literally giving you breadcrumbs," she says.

Instead, she recommends hitting the block button and not looking back.

"Just don't be available for it," she says. "If it's making you feel obsessive and crazy, block them. You're wasting your time, and there are other people out there who want to spend time with you."

So the moral of the story is this: if they don't reply to your texts, they don't deserve getaway snaps.

*Not his real name. 




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