The 2019 Oscars ceremony is up there with an early 2000s school disco in terms of being the place where you find the creme de la creme of fashion. But this year in particular, traditional red carpet norms have been flipped on their head - some for the better, some very much for the worse.
Here is (my take) on the best and worst of this year's Academy Awards red carpet:
He was there apparently as a red carpet host but instead was there to serve. Serve LEWKS amirite. Billy Porter looked so suave in this tulle-skirted tuxedo, I hope to one day emulate this look. For my wedding, or a family Christmas or something. This is how you do the Academy Awards, and we can only hope too see a knock-off replica in the windows of Hallensteins stores around the country on Monday. It seems like it would be very on-brand for them.
In the words of entertainment editor Mon Barton: "Oh no just get OUT, get out the GODDAMN DOOR and shut it behind you," which, surprisingly, means she likes it. Momoa has once again proved himself to be a searing sexy tower of masculinity in this pink velvet Karl Lagerfeld number with a scrunchie on his wrist, holding his wife's handbag. It's all fabulous, right down to the polka dot pocket square. Never change Jason.
Being from the South Island I'm a big fan of a beanie, for such occasions as a family ski trip, living in a freezing student flat. These are all acceptable times to warm your chilled head. But Mahershala has obviously gotten confused on his way down to the shops and taken a left turn onto the Oscar's red carpet. And I don't even think he's from Christchurch. After a faultless fashion awards season you picked this one - the Academy Awards - to sport a beanie? That is... confusing.
I am being chastised by my colleagues for naming her as one of the worst looks on the red carpet but for God's sake Gaga I have had ENOUGH. I know you're newly single and we all do bizarre stuff when we're newly single. But I thought that meant you would CHANGE your hair rather than do this same old shit we've seen time and time again. Enough of this stupid Old Hollywood glamour you are continually trying to force. The dress and the gloves and the chignon style hair - it's like she's playing a struggling actress who suddenly is thrust to fame and isn't used to her time in the spotli... oh wait.
Honestly when you're Glenn Close and you're nominated for an Oscar, why wouldn't you just say "f**k it" and come as a giant Oscar statuette? Close revealed to Entertainment Tonight that her dress weighs 42 pounds (about 20 kilos), and features more than three million glass beads. It was assembled in New York and Mumbai, India, with the help of more than 40 craftsmen, probably all being played video of her performance in The Wife as payment, I would assume. It's breathtaking, elegant and so goddamn extra I am living for it.
Special mention: The tulle weavers of the world.
God, if you're in the business of making tulle, you must have had a hell of a last week. Every third dress on the red carpet was the fine mesh fabric. Was there some sort of sale I didn't know about? Or is everyone going to combine their dresses to make fishing nets afterwards?
So far this is exhibited beautifully by Helen Mirren wearing hot pink tulle, a bold colour choice for her but I'm here for having fun at the Oscars. Kacey Musgraves also is also fulfilling my wildest Barbie dreams. Unfortunately Linda Cardelinni decided to come as an artist's impression of a red feather boa. But you can't have it all in the world.