Be happy with what you've got, men.
That's the message coming from the researchers behind a new study, which found penis extension procedures don't work, and can often leave their recipients psychologically scarred - not to mention with smaller members.
"These procedures should almost never be done," lead researcher Gordon Muir, urologist at King's College Hospital in London, told the Guardian.
"Often the man ends up with a penis that is disfigured and there is no more than 20 percent satisfaction rates with these procedures."
His team looked at 1192 penis enlargement cases in the medical literature, and found the biggest increase in length any of them got was less than 2cm.
Most procedures to increase girth were a total failure, and far more likely to result in complications. Vacuum pumps - like the kind ridiculed in the first Austin Powers movie - did nothing.
"The vast majority of men who may wish to have their penis made longer have a penis of completely normal length, but they often feel that their penis is too small," Muir told the Guardian.
Counselling was quite effective however in getting men to settle for what they've got.
Muir said surgeons should refuse to carry out 'enlargement' procedures altogether.
"It's wrong on every level."
The research was published in the journal Sexual Medicine Reviews.