The Death podcast: Finding a way through the pain

Cutting all connection with the man who murdered his 17-year-old daughter will come when Mark Longley forgives Elliot Turner.

Mark says he will forgive Turner one day, but he's not ready yet.

Along with Newshub, Mark has hosted a podcast on death, grief, love and hope. He says it's his way of connecting with people and hopes it sparks a conversation and helps people understand some of the complexities around grief.

"One of the most difficult things was learning to manage my grief while being around other people. To put it bluntly - I was sad, I wanted to hide away, but life doesn't really allow that," Mark says.

"My counsellor told me to think of my grief as a balloon. In order to manage it, I had to exert pressure to keep the balloon under water all day. When I got home I could let the balloon float out of the water."

He says this analogy helped him manage his grief so that it no longer controlled him.

And, while Mark says the death of Emily is something he would never have wished for, his experience has helped him become a better person.

The Death podcast: Finding a way through the pain
Photo credit: Newshub

Mark is an ambassador for White Ribbon - an organisation that speaks to men about domestic violence.

He spoke at a vigil for murdered woman Grace Millane - the British backpacker who was murdered in New Zealand - and continues to be an advocate to end male violence toward women.

"This is something I wouldn't have done had Emily been alive," Mark says.

"I think Emily would approve."

Mark says when Emily died he felt disconnected, and craved contact. At the same time, he recoiled if he was approached.

"I made this podcast because I wanted to reach people. I wanted to start a conversation.

"If you know someone who is in the depths of grief, know that they are confused, they are in pain, yet they also need you," Mark says.

"Be there for them."

For those grieving, Mark says there is a way through the pain, and there is hope.

Death: A podcast about love, grief and hope is available on Rova, Apple, Stitcher, Spotify, Google, Omny and all major podcast apps.