A UK woman has spoken out about the realities of her porn addiction, which she said began when she was just 10 years old and searched "videos on sex" on her family computer.
Courtney Daniella Boateng, 23, said she had "always been an inquisitive child" and so when "whispers" of sex first began circulating around the school playground, she searched it on YouTube while her parents and younger sister were busy downstairs.
"I got my first glimpse at sex," she wrote in a new essay for The Sun.
"The video shocked me - it was like nothing I'd seen before and I immediately wanted to see more."
Boateng says she "soon got into a routine".
"A couple of times a month when I knew my parents were working late, I'd pull up Pornhub and search for 'first loves' or 'married couple'."
The ex-porn addict says after a month she could only "go a few days without porn".
"I was completely hooked"
"To cover my tracks, I'd delete my search history, and put my school bag in the way of the door to stop anyone barging in while I watched. I hid my secret pastime from my friends too, as I didn't want to be the first to broach the subject," Boateng said.
"My obsession continued throughout secondary school. By then, I was wasting two or three hours a week watching porn."
Boateng began to use masturbating to porn to treat her anxiety - it would give her a short burst of relief before returning in force.
It also impacted her relationships with others, including a new boyfriend when she was 18.
"There was no passion, and if he wasn't going to provide the same satisfaction that porn did, why bother?" she reflects.
"Because of this, and the fact that I needed to carry out my porn routine three times a week, I realised I had an addiction. ..When I was stressed and anxious, I couldn't think of anything else."
In March, 2016 Boateng decided to go "cold turkey" - no porn, masturbation or sex.
"I turned to yoga and exercise, journalling and friends, as well as going to church."
In April this year, she filmed a confessional YouTube video opening up about her struggles with porn.
"More than 800,000 people watched me open up, and their responses were incredible. Countless shared their similar struggles," Boateng said.
"I felt like I'd started a support group - something I wished I'd had all those years ago."
Boateng no longer watches porn and says she's been focusing on friends, family and her career in the beauty industry instead.
Auckland Therapy NZ defines porn addiction as an inability to stop or control the behaviours around watching porn, along with a preoccupation, compulsion or dependency on the material being watched.
'The Light Project' is a local online resource for any young Kiwis struggling with their own addiction to porn.
Where to find help and support:
- Need to Talk? - Call or text 1737
- What's Up - 0800 WHATS UP (0800 942 8787)
- Lifeline - 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
- Youthline - 0800 376 633, text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat
- Samaritans - 0800 726 666
- Depression Helpline - 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
