A UK man who has spent the last six years with a penis hanging off his arm says his nightmare is now over after surgery to reattach his genitalia in its rightful place.
Malcolm MacDonald has been without a penis between his legs for the best part of a decade after a horror perineum infection developed into sepsis, causing his penis to fall off while he was in the toilet back in 2014.
MacDonald, 47, told The Sun the experience was like a horror movie.
"It just dropped off onto the floor… I just picked it up and put it in the bin," he recounted.
"I went to the hospital and they said the best they could do for me was to roll the remaining stump up like a little sausage roll. It was heartbreaking."
MacDonald abused alcohol after the incident and was on a downward spiral until he found out there was hope for him after all: a doctor was able to construct him a new £50,000 ($97,000) designer penis, all on the taxpayers' dime.
However in 2015, when his new appendage was ready, he didn't have enough oxygen in his blood for the penis to be put in the correct spot so had the 15cm member temporarily grafted to his arm instead.
A mixture of health system delays and the COVID-19 pandemic meant MacDonald ended up spending much more time with a penis on his arm than he'd bargained for, and it would be another six years before he finally got the surgery that would change his life.
In the meantime, he had to get accustomed to life with a willy where it shouldn't be.
A darts enthusiast, MacDonald taught himself how to tuck darts into the gap between his penis and arm, and learned to be careful in public after nearly hitting a woman in the face with it at the supermarket.
But now, six years later, MacDonald finally has a happy ending to his nightmarish story with a recent nine-hour operation to remove his penis from his arm and reattach it between his legs carried out successfully.
"The first thing I did was look down and I was like, 'Oh my days, they got it right this time'. I feel like a real man again," he told The Sun.
"Can you imagine six years of your life with a penis swinging on your arm? It's been a nightmare, but it's gone now - the little bugger."