Warning: This article may not be suitable for younger readers.
Christmas is rapidly approaching (queue all the mums grumbling about how nothing would happen if it wasn't for them), and while much of the magic is wasted on us adults, there are ways we can keep the Christmas cheer alive - other than two or three glasses of bubbly.
One of the ways adults can continue to revel in the festivities is by finding themselves a lovely advent calendar. What better way to build excitement ahead of the holiday than by opening a little present each day? It's an ideal way to get you in the spirit of the silly season.
And no, we're not talking about the bog-standard offerings featuring an array of saccharine-sweet, waxy chocolates - we're talking about advent calendars designed with adults in mind. Let's put it this way: if you're on Santa's naughty list, Christmas might just come early (wink, wink).
Whether it's a little treat for yourself, a mate or your S/O, here are some of Newshub Lifestyle's top picks for advent calendars that adults can enjoy - they really are the gifts that keep on giving. A very happy holiday, indeed.
Lovehoney X Womanizer Couple's Sex Toy Advent Calendar ($275)
Lovehoney has returned with its legendary range of advent calendars for 2022, featuring four new additions that promise to have you buzzing better than champagne ever could. The range is spearheaded by the 24-day Lovehoney X Womanizer Couple's Sex Toy Advent Calendar, containing more than $720 worth of luxury goodies. Featuring 24 days of fun, the calendar includes a limited edition wand vibrator, bullet and butt plug, as well as the travel-friendly Womanizer Liberty - a product worth around $170 alone.
Newshub was supplied with a Couple's Sex Toy Advent Calendar and with all the restraint of a child unwrapping their presents on Christmas morning, I opened almost every box within the first hour. I can safely say you absolutely get bang for your buck (pun intended); from massage oil to various restraints and games - including Sex Position Snap Cards and classic dice - there's something for every kind of kink. I shan't elaborate further on the calendar's contents; it wouldn't be a surprise then, would it?
Lovehoney X Womanizer 12 Days of Play Sex Toy Advent Calendar ($180)
Specially designed with her in mind, the 12 Days of Play contains 12 premium toys worth over $410 - it's smaller and less expensive than the couple's package, but will still get the job done. It includes a selection of sexy goodies, but the hero of this particular calendar is the Womanizer Starlet 3, a suction vibrator using patented Pleasure Air Technology - and worth $120 on its own.
Lovehoney Blowmotion 12 Days of Play Sex Toy Advent Calendar ($180)
This sexy little offering provides everything your penis-owning partner could want, with 12 prime toys - valued over $370 - to unwrap in the lead-up to the holiday. This calendar contains the likes of a bullet vibrator and stroker as well as the pièce de résistance, the Blowmotion Dual-Entrance masturbator, worth $110 alone.
Lovehoney 7 Nights of Temptation Lingerie Advent Calendar ($120)
Featuring a seductive selection of sheer mesh lingerie pieces and accessories worth over $190, this calendar could make a fun and flirty gift for a "friend" or the lady in your life - or for yourself, of course (if you have a S/O, it's basically a gift for them too - two birds with one stone). Containing seven gift-wrapped treats, the calendar is available in three sizes, with each piece able to be worn individually or as a matching set. If you're a sexy single looking to upgrade your lingerie collection, this could be just the ticket.
Adult Toy Megastore Naughty & Nice Advent Calendar ($348)
Yes, it's expensive, but for the sex toy collector or enthusiast, this is the Christmas gift that seriously will keep on giving with 24 sexy surprises. It also could make a great starter pack for newcomers to the world of sexual nick-nacks. Containing eight high-quality, limited-edition sex toys that can be enjoyed by everyone, the calendar also features a selection of six lubricants, gels and body paint; six bondage items such as restraints and a blindfold; and four accessories to spice up your sex life, such as a card game and dice. Plus, at the time of writing it's currently on sale and can be purchased with Laybuy to spread out the cost (queue a cackle remembering Chris Hipkins' iconic 'spread your legs' gaffe).
Jack Daniel's Advent Calendar ($140)
A little detour, but still an adult-friendly offering, the Jack Daniel's Advent Calendar contains 21 miniature (50ml) bottles of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey, Tennessee Honey, Tennessee Fire, Gentleman Jack and Single Barrel - plus, there are three special gifts to complete the 24 days of Christmas. It's pricey, but you can purchase it on Afterpay via The Beer Library. The family-run, Christchurch-based bottle shop also offers a Craft Beer Advent Calendar ($240) for pre-order, containing 25 unique craft beers from small, independent New Zealand breweries, with a large selection of the very popular hoppy styles such as IPA and pale ale. And yes, to ensure it's a classic Kiwi Christmas, the team have included an additional 25th beer for the day itself.
Laithwaites Wine Advent Calendar ($160)
Another alcoholic advent calendar for your enjoyment, Laithwaites' annual wine-themed offering has returned for another year. Featuring 24 delicious discoveries in fun-sized piccolo bottles, the calendar includes a bestselling Aussie Shiraz, top New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, a glittering Italian Prosecco and plenty of award-winning drops. The calendar includes 23 bottles (187ml) plus a 375ml bottle of Prosecco for Christmas Eve. Salut!
