Kiwis share their most 'horrendous' fart stories online and hilarity ensues

Stock image of man grabbing his bottom, farting
The whole thread is pretty hilarious. Photo credit: Getty Images

Farting is a universal experience that spares no one: even royalty lets rip. Although, the thought of Prince William daring to break wind is a bit weird.

After a self-described middle-aged man took to the r/newzealand Reddit forum to share his farting faux pas over the weekend, a number of Kiwis have since weighed in with their own gassy gaffes - and some of the responses are downright hilarious.

The story that started it all apparently happened at Auckland Museum, when the OP (original poster for those of you who aren't chronically online) enjoyed an iced coffee before heading into the Egypt: In the Time of Pharaohs exhibition, despite having "low-level milk intolerance".

About halfway through the exhibit, the man said he needed a rest, so proceeded to sit next to a fellow museumgoer on a bench. However, due to his arthritis, he noted that he needs to lower himself down quite carefully - a bending movement that resulted in him farting directly into the unsuspecting lady's face.

After admitting he was "so ashamed" by his slip-up, fellow Redditors took it upon themselves to try and ease his guilt by sharing their own sorry flatulence fails.

Here's a few of the most upvoted responses:  

"I was heading into the Nelson library when they were renovating and had an alternate entrance. It was a long hallway from the front door that ended with a left turn into the library itself. I'd just walked into the start of the hallway, and not thinking, let a small little fart go. It was an immediate horrendous stench. Deadly. As soon as it hit my nostrils a little old lady in a wheelchair made the turn. I carried on walking, getting a good look at the woman I'd already condemned to the sulphurs of hell. Heard a little gasp behind me as I made it to the books. It felt like a hate crime." - u/grey_goat  

"You're okay, it happens to the best of us. I once farted while walking down the street and overheard some ladies about 15m behind me discussing whether to call the council about the obvious sewerage leak." - u/lastnamegotmebanned  

"I still chuckle at the memory of when I released a silent one in the car years ago, and just the smell woke my partner who was sleeping in the passenger seat. I thought you weren't supposed to be able to smell much when sleeping, but that fart cut through the smell-muting. She was not anywhere near as amused." - u/klparrot  

"I once let out a little puff in the medication room at work. They closed it for 30 minutes and put up a 'do not enter' sign." - u/IZY53  

"When I was a wee lad, my parents took us to the Kruger National Park (South Africa if you don't know). We were at one of the camps to grab some refreshments. While waiting outside I heard the loudest fart known to man, like thunder echoing over the African Savanna. The trees were rustling with screeching monkeys and birds shooting off in all directions. And there he stood against the wall, the source of the big bang... a German tourist in his socks with sandals. Not a care in the world. In that moment I realised his fart is as much a part of the nature we found ourselves surrounded by as everything else." - u/EffektieweEffie  

"I was at a petrol station once many years ago waiting in line to pay. There were a couple people in front of me and about three behind. I felt a churning in my bowels and had to let it out - luckily, I managed it without a sound. I don't know what I had eaten but as soon as I caught a whiff, I knew something was wrong... everyone started looking around for the source. The guy behind me lifted his feet up looking to see if maybe he had stepped in dog shit. I played it cool, paid for my gas and left." - u/Dvsrx7  

Honourable mention

u/enpointenz: "Wait until you lose your hearing, then you don't know you are doing them."   

u/klparrot: "The squealers, maybe not, but the pbpbpbpbrrrt ones, you feel those."  

* Some of the responses have been lightly edited for length/clarity.