Comedian Josh Thompson and partner Liz recently welcomed their baby girl Soanna Ann Rose to the world.
He's since realised that most parents in New Zealand are doing parenting wrong.
Here are the five things you're not doing right as a parent of a newborn:
1. You are not buying a wheat bag:
Go and buy a wheatbag right now. Put it in the microwave and put it in the cot for a couple of minutes so it's not too cold when you put the baby in.
2. You are not oiling your hinges:
You should oil all the hinges in your household to avoid any squeaky noises that could wake the baby up.
3. You are putting up with the wrong kinds of baby clothes:
There is no need for fancy clothes for babies, people should use jumpsuits and pants with buttons so that can come on and off as easily as possible.
4. You don't have a cheap fan from the $2 shop:
Parents should buy a small, cheap fan from the $2 shop. After changing nappies, fan the baby's bottom in order to avoid nappy rash developing.
5. You're listening to Josh Thompson's tips:
Don't listen to any of my tips, Josh says, because they're all wrong. Listen to professionals.