The Auckland spots Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux can't miss

After much well-publicised to-ing and fro-ing, it's official: Lauren Southern and Stefan Molyneux are finally in Auckland.

The 'alt media' personalities have triumphed, defeating the tyrant Phil Goff and his Council social justice warriors with a cunning plan - hiring an as-yet-undisclosed private venue and charging people $130 a pop. Free speech saves the day.

But what will these champions of western values do in Auckland when they're not inciting racial hatred?

Ms Southern spent her downtime in Australia wrongly identifying suburbs and trying to cause a ruckus at a mosque. To save her the effort, here's a list of activities they could do instead:

Visit Bastion Point

Just 15 minutes from Queen St, Bastion Point is loaded with history. Given to Ngāti Whātua as a defence site in 1885, the coastal spot was occupied in the 1970s by Māori land rights protesters. There's a beautiful view of the Waitemata Harbour, a Māori village and a memorial to first Labour Prime Minister Michael Joseph Savage.

I'm sure Ms Southern and Mr Molyneux are both dying to know more about the history of the country they're in, and Bastion Point is the perfect place to start.

Alt-right speakers Stefan Molyneux and Lauren Southern could learn a lot from a visit to Auckland
Alt-right speakers Stefan Molyneux and Lauren Southern could learn a lot from a visit to Auckland

Experience feminist history

Ms Southern has been very open about the fact that she's not a feminist, but it would be difficult for her to deny that the reason she's allowed to express her beliefs is because of the efforts of women's rights activists.

She could pay her respects to those who came before her by taking a tour through Auckland Museum's Are We There Yet? exhibition, which celebrates the 125th anniversary of women's suffrage in New Zealand.

In the 2015 YouTube video that made her name, Ms Southern claimed that modern feminism has become about female supremacy rather than equality. Being confronted with evidence of the patriarchal restraints placed on women to this day might just prompt her to think twice.

Take in some world cinema

Closing out their whirlwind tour through Oceania (well, the mostly-white parts) in Auckland, the two intrepid travellers are sure to be tired. Why not sit back, relax and enjoy one of the many global offerings from the New Zealand International Film Festival?

They obviously won't be able to make any evening screenings, but they could catch Merata: How Mum Decolonised the Screen at the ASB Waterfront Theatre at 1:30pm on Friday.  A documentary about the pioneering Māori filmmaker Merata Mita, it has everything I imagine Ms Southern and Mr Molyneux look for in a movie: feminism, indigenous culture and political activism. 

There's also the Lebanese Capharnaüm at 10:45am, the Cape Verde-based Djon África at 2pm or the Balinese The Seen and Unseen at 4:30pm. These films have subtitles of course, but I'm sure that won't be a problem for these two towering intellects who I hear are big fans of other cultures and also reading.  

The pair can enjoy a plate of dumplings - tastier than anything white people ever invented.
The pair can enjoy a plate of dumplings - tastier than anything white people ever invented.

Sample a taste of Auckland

The biggest city in New Zealand is known for a wide-range of delicious cuisines from many different cultures. Every suburb has something to offer, but for cheap eats you can't beat Dominion Rd. Ms Southern and Mr Molyneux can choose from cult favourites Barilla Dumplings, Eden Noodles or risk the E-grade but undeniably tasty New Flavour. 

If they're willing to part with a bit more of their hard-earned cash, they could make a reservation at Cassia (Indian cuisine), Masu (Japanese) or Café Hanoi (Vietnamese).

'Race realist' Mr Molyneux can rail against other cultures all he wants, but he can't deny that dumplings are better than anything white people ever invented.