All men need to help stop gender-based violence - Mark Longley

Not all men perpetuate gender-based violence, but everyone needs to be part of the solution, according to White Ribbon Ambassador Mark Longley.

Mr Longley's daughter Emily was killed in 2011 in the UK after a violent relationship and his speech about the subject at Wednesday night's vigil for murdered backpacker Grace Millane brought many in the crowd to tears, including Ms Millane's father.

He told The AM Show he wants people to step in when they recognise something is wrong and proactively work towards making the world safer for women.

"We can't just keep on saying 'I'm not like this so I'm not part of the problem' so I just really want to reinforce the message that you might not be part of the problem but you need to be part of the solution.

"And we need to proactively be part of the solution in making sure that 14 women a year don't die at the hands of other men in New Zealand."

Emily Longley and Mark Longley.
Emily Longley and Mark Longley. Photo credit: Image - file/The AM Show

Host Duncan Garner agreed and gave a passionate speech about what men need to do if they notice something is wrong with their friends.

"If you know somebody is doing something bad you have to get involved... this is not about being show ponies and showboating on social media, say nothing public out there," he said.

"You go out there, and you grab that person and you say 'come with me pal we need to make change here, we need to look after you, this is wrong what you're doing.'

"So if you know that your mate is hitting your wife or doing something that means they've done it before, they'll do it again. You've got to intervene, be a leader, get them out of that mix and get them help."

Mr Longley said it could be difficult to confront your friends, but it's necessary.

"It's hard to do that, it can be hard to challenge a mate, but who do you listen to more than your mate? Your mates are incredibly influential in your life."