Duncan Garner says men should not be 'ridiculed' for fear they'll explode

Duncan Garner has said men should not be ridiculed for fear they won't be able to cope with the resulting embarrassment and will explode, but domestic violence charities don't agree.

Garner made the statement on The AM Show on Wednesday, saying some men can't handle a bit of humiliation.

"Do not ridicule men. Men struggle when they're ridiculed and they do not have many options in their smorgasbord of options. There's not many there, sometimes for some men.

"You ridicule them, you set off the powderkeg, so be very careful with men. Some of them don't do humiliation very well and they also feel that they have the world on their shoulders."

But The AM Show newsreader Amanda Gillies disagreed with Garner's comments, saying there was no excuse to lash out.

"That's no excuse though for lashing out to anyone ever. The thing that does give me hope is I have interviewed couples before who have been in violent relationships... some of the things that have happened have been horrific, but they have been able to turn it around and get into a loving [relationship]...

"I keep thinking though of what Jane [Drumm] said to us... if you can't love your partner at least respect them. Just keep your hands off them."

Domestic violence campaigner Rob McCann from White Ribbon agreed with Gillies, telling Newshub there's no excuse for violence.

"Violence is not so much about people losing their tempers, it's about power and control.

"Those who use violence, use it as a tool to control the other person, so it's less about being ridiculed, as going back to the tactic that they think works for them - violence."

McCann said people can conflate anger with violence, but in an on-going relationship where violence may occur, it could more be about the man trying to get what he wants.

Garner's statement came after he interviewed Shine executive director Julia Drumm, who also said men should be able to cope under stress.

"I don't think it is about men not coping. Everyone's beset with problems and men can cope at work, men can cope in lots of different situations."

Drumm said she wants to see changes to the way boys are raised in New Zealand to allow them to be able to process emotions in a healthy way.

"I think we need to seriously look at how we're raising our boys... we're raising them to be man alone, we're raising them to not express good emotions, not to understand the range of emotions that's acceptable for a boy to have.

"We're raising them in far too many homes where they see violence."

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