A Wellington man who had two former friends attempt to put a plastic spoon in his anus is devastated after the duo were discharged without conviction last month.
The man, who Newshub has decided not to name, passed out in a vehicle after a night of partying with his workmates in June 2019. While the man was unconscious, one of the two colleagues, a woman, pulled down his pants and underwear and made repeated attempts to put a plastic spoon in his anus.
The second colleague, a man, encouraged the former to continue and filmed the incident on their phone. Both currently have name suppression.
When the victim awoke, jokes were made that he should use the spoon to eat some ice-cream. He then passed out again.
The victim only found out the extent of what happened that night when he was sent the footage several days later.
Stuff reported the pair were sentenced at Palmerston North District Court last August to four weeks' community detention and ordered to pay $1000 in reparation after pleading guilty to indecent assault and inciting indecent assault respectively. They had initially been charged with attempted sexual violation and inciting attempted sexual violation, but those were downgraded.
Last month, Stuff reported the duo had been discharged without conviction after appealing to the High Court in Wellington. An earlier application for a discharge without conviction to the District Court was declined due to the severity of the incident.
But in the High Court judgement, it was found the offending had been intended as a humorous prank. Both the defendants had claimed the spoon was used in jest and the act was not sexually motivated or malicious in nature, and the judge ruled the incident was not intended to be hurtful in the context of their friendship.
But the victim, who is now 23, disagrees. Speaking to Newshub, he said the overturning of their convictions had been a devastating blow after almost two years of trauma.
He said the trio would party together and he had considered them friends, but says the incident in question was not humorous - and he believes they did act with malicious intent.
"From what I [remember], we went out for drinks, did that, then we'd gone somewhere to have a smoke - parked up, eating food. I had passed out at the time. I remember waking up and they said, 'have a spoon of your McFlurry'. I unfortunately put that spoon in my mouth… it had been up my bottom," he told Newshub.
"I couldn't tell at the time because I was passed out, but when I came round to consciousness I was quite terrified and concerned. I pretty much said, 'what the f***?' I didn't know what was happening. Then I passed back out again."
He says he has since become estranged from his family in the fallout of the incident.
"There's a lot more that actually went on then led to believe… I've never had an opportunity to speak out or talk about my situation," he told Newshub.
He says he is "absolutely devastated" by the overturning of their convictions, and told Newshub he is struggling to move on as he has not been offered sufficient support in the aftermath of the case.
"I understand how victims end up as criminals. They're happy to rehabilitate the criminals, but they're not willing to help those that actually need it," he said.
"I can't deal with it. I suppose you only have so much capacity to deal with these emotions… if you can't speak out and have the right support there, how the hell are we supposed to get anywhere in life?"
He also expressed his disappointment in the media coverage of the case, claiming he had not been provided an opportunity to speak his truth. He said he believed the reports gave undue weight to the context of their relationship - that the three often pranked each other and partook in recreational drugs - without considering the gravity of the incident and the impact it had on him.
"This alone has pretty much set a standard that I can sexually abuse someone and record it, but it's just 'having a laugh'," he told Newshub.
The victim now hopes he can use his experience to help others who feel their voices have not been heard.
"I want to work towards advocating for other people and supporting them because it may actually help me heal through my journey as well," he said. "If I could be given an opportunity to advocate for those who aren't willing to speak out, I would do it, because I know deep down they're hurting. They have been wronged and they have been silenced.
"They don't deserve that, they deserve to have a normal life - and they're not given that normal life because there are not enough services. After two years, I still don't have a psychologist - it's kind of a joke.
"How long do I and how long do other people have to go on, before it's too much? As humans we can only deal with so much, we only have a capacity for so much.
"It isn't just about me anymore, it's about other people. I want to stand by them and speak up for them."
Where to find help and support:
- Shine (domestic violence) - 0508 744 633
- Women's Refuge - 0800 733 843 (0800 REFUGE)
- Need to Talk? - Call or text 1737
- What's Up - 0800 WHATS UP (0800 942 8787)
- Lifeline - 0800 543 354 or (09) 5222 999 within Auckland
- Youthline - 0800 376 633, text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz or online chat
- Samaritans - 0800 726 666
- Depression Helpline - 0800 111 757
- Suicide Crisis Helpline - 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
- Shakti Community Council - 0800 742 584
