Every woman will go through it, but it's considered secretive and only a woman's business.
It feels like no one wants to talk about menopause. It can be overwhelming for many and it's often suffered in silence - but one Kiwi woman wants to change that.
After suffering terribly from menopause, Bronda Smith has started a petition asking for the Government to make menopause matter with better education, support, and awareness.
Smith was living her best life before menopause hit. She was happily married in Havelock North and chief financial officer at the local council. She was powerful and empowered.
But then it almost instantly changed.
"My irritability, my nano-second fuse where I would sit there being calm and the next minute I would be saying something out of my mouth that I just couldn't believe I was saying. I didn't cope with it very well," she told Newshub.
Almost overnight, she suffered hot flashes, anxiety, a foggy brain, and night sweats, and she averaged just three hours of sleep a night. She could no longer function properly.
"I actually would throw up before work I was so anxious. I stopped eating breakfast, which was a big part of my life, because if I did, I couldn't keep it down. I would dry-retch cleaning my teeth," Smith said.
"That's the anxiety process where you would second-guess everything, everything would become bigger than it is. That was one of the really hard things."
She nearly lost her marriage and she quit her high-powered, high-paying job that was a big part of her identity.
"I do know of women who have considered taking their lives because of the impact of menopause and I think for me if I hadn't have left work, I could have got there," Smith said.
Menopause marks the end of a woman's menstrual cycle and is diagnosed after a woman has gone 12 months without a period. It usually happens in your 40s or 50s.
"I think we just need to recognise that menopause is absolutely a normal part of life. As that normal part of life, it can be difficult for some and really easy for others," said Dr Samantha Murton, president of the Royal New Zealand College of GPs.
"And for the people who find it difficult, we need to make sure we are providing the right care for them and also they are understood in the community. Sometimes this can be hard for people."
There have been songs and musicals about menopause, but still, no one really wants to talk about the M-word, almost like it's a bit icky and awkward.
Smith wants to change that. After she finally sought medical help and treatment - and got her life back - she started a petition calling on the Government to make menopause matter.
She wants to add menopause to the high school curriculum, make it mandatory for GPs and medical students to be trained in menopausal symptoms and treatments, and she wants more awareness and support in the workplace.
"For me, the petition is about giving women a voice. It's about making them feel heard," Smith said.
Dr Murton said medical students are trained and educated on menopause, but encourages more conversation.
"It's a bit like talking about fertility. People often don't talk about it but when they do start talking about it, everyone starts talking about it saying, 'Oh yeah, I know this', so I think we just have to be braver about having the conversation, but most GPs would be fine about talking about menopause and what the symptoms are," she said.
Education Minister Chris Hipkins is open to adding it to the school curriculum and a review is underway right now.
"Menopause does affect most women and therefore if there is an appetite for it to be talked about in schools, the curriculum review is an opportunity to discuss that," he said.
But does he think women get enough support in the workplace and is there enough awareness?
"Well, that kind-of falls outside my responsibilities as Education Minister, but I think there is probably more that we can do."
Minister for Women Jan Tinetti said women going through menopause need to understand they are okay.
"Turn this around, turn this feeling that something is wrong with them around. This is our superpower, this is an incredible stage of our lives, and I'm so looking forward to the next part of my journey in this," she said.
She's also happy to share her own experience with menopausal moments.
"People understand why I have a fan by my desk in my office, people understand when I'm standing there fanning myself or I'll say, 'Hang on, I just need to hear that again'. They understand exactly why I act this way because I'm open about it."
Importantly, for women experiencing symptoms now - from feeling mad, sad or otherwise - there is treatment that does work. For Smith, it was hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and teamwork.
"The biggest thing is it affects more than just the woman involved or the person going through menopause. It affects their family, it affects their colleagues, it affects their friends. It's bigger than just us. It goes well beyond that," Smith said.
She's now happy and back working. Life matters to her again and so too does menopause.
Where you can find help:
- Sexy Ageing podcast by Tracy Minnoch-Nuku: Minnoch-Nuku's journey to understanding her peri-menopause and her talks with experts about what you can do.
- My Menopause Memoir by Tracy Minnoch-Nuku: Minnoch-Nuku's symptoms and what helped her with each one.
- This Changes Everything: The Honest Guide to Menopause and Perimenopause by Niki Bezzant: A detailed practical guide on how to manage your journey.
- Don't Sweat It: How to make 'the change' a good one by Nicky Pellegrino: A funny and frank book on menopause and perimenopause.
- Menopause over Martinis Facebook group
- Menopause Awareness & Action Community (MAAC) group on LinkedIn
- Power Pause
- Australasian Menopause Society, which lists menopause doctors in New Zealand.
