OPINION: Memo to freedom campers - stop pooing in our backyard

OPINION: Dear so-called freedom campers, who're using Aotearoa as a giant toilet, please stop pooing where you're not supposed to.

There once was a time when human beings pooed in the open air, digging little holes in the ground and using leaves to wipe their backsides.

We've since invented sewage systems and modern marvels called toilets. 

Free-to-use public toilets can be found in every town and city in New Zealand, they really are quite great.

If you don't use these and keep pooing where you're not supposed to, we friendly Kiwis might just turn on you completely and ban freedom camping entirely.

That would be a crying shame, wouldn't it?

And let's face it; you're not really pumping much money into our economy are you? 

But you are pumping something else into our backyard.

You're seeing our beautiful country 'on the cheap', so the least you can do is poo in the proper place, it's not much to ask.

Can you imagine if 60,000 Kiwis descended on Paris, Berlin or Tel Aviv, and began pooing en masse beside rivers, in bushes and on the streets?

It wouldn't be a good look, would it? It certainly wouldn't make for a good smell.

So I have a couple of basic questions to ask yourselves, before you lay that cable beside Abel Tasman:

  • What makes you think New Zealand is an open toilet?
  • Do you think we are so backward here that pooing in public is acceptable behaviour?

We've come a long way since the days of pooing in holes.

World Wars have been fought, plastic bags and iPhones have been invented and a reality TV star elected US president.

Don't waste this opportunity to be a better human.

Imagine if the poo was on the other foot?

Tony Wright is a Newshub feature writer and producer.