Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters has offered his odds on the next leader of the National Party, during an animated adjournment speech in Parliament.
"The very worst place to be today is on the front bench of the National Party. I can hear the grindstone now. I can see the sparks from the knives being sharpened as we speak," he said in the House on Wednesday.
"It would be very remiss of me as the Minister of Racing not to offer some odds on the likely leadership of the National party."
Here are the odds on the next leader, according to Mr Peters:
"She has played such a long game that it'll be all over before she starts. She's 30:1."
"She's been playing a short game for a long time, and so I've got her odds at 5:1."
"An outsider from Tamaki, Simon O'Connor. The oldest young man in New Zealand politics. He's 50:1."
"You've got the $154 million deficit Coleman man from Northcote. He has in the past not got out of the gate - the District Health Board gates, that is - so he's 100:1.
"Nick Smith, the member from Nelson who at least has the virtue of perfectly embodying how old and tired National looks."
Mr Peters did not offer odds.
"Won't make it to the start. His form is terrible. He's the $11.7 billion fiscal hole. It was all fake news. The election campaign was worse for it, and his leaders were diminished in their deceit for the country, and he will instead follow General Omar Bradley's advice to turn on his tongue along with his suit and to mothball his opinions."
No odds were given on Mr Joyce.
"George Eliot once said that there were men whose very presence imbues in others deep trust and reverence. The member for Tauranga is not such a man. He is most definitely not such a man. He is a one-lane bridge blocking a highway full of caucus ambition that will particularly run him down if he gets in their road. And you know who's in his road over there."
No odds were given on Mr Bridges.
"Given how much the National Party are easing the tank to the Chinese interests, there's a real chance that National's Manchurian candidate, [Jian] Yang, will steal the leadership odds. I've got him up 2:1 to be the next leader of the National Party."
Mr Peters finished his speech saying that Kiwis need to be safe these holidays, "but the most dangerous place to be right now is the National Party front bench".