OPINION: Did you hear the one about the Greens... no? Who? The Greens. Nope, sorry, got me stumped.
You know the ones - co-leaders Marama Davidson, who proudly once used the C-word to get noticed - brilliant strategy, kids loved it - and James Shaw, who got smacked in the mug walking to work - but he's more likeable than that.
Just don't tell Greens candidate Jack McDonald, who has quit because Shaw is getting too centrist. In fact, Jacko has spat the dummy over the Greens' drift to the centre.
- Green Party candidate Jack McDonald steps down over James Shaw's 'centrist drift'
- Greens will 'never' do a deal with National while Simon Bridges is leader - James Shaw
Centrist, how evil, what a truly awful crime to be mild-mannered and centrist.
So Shaw wears a suit - well, he's a business advisor, has good common sense. But Jack McDonald won't stand for that, and won't stand for the party.
The cry was clear at the party conference this weekend. "We love Marama Davidson". How predictable. But Davidson? Really? Who wanted massive benefit increases, but didn't know how much it would cost the country. Help me please. Details matter.
But here's where Jacko's little hissy fit falls over - there's no lurch to the right or even to the middle. The Greens this past weekend doubled-down on ruling out National as a coalition option. And I can't see the protest party, the died-in-the-hemp lefties, ever moving. They're stuck as Labour's little ankle-biter and Winston's whiskey pourer. How shortsighted, how tragic.
- Collins outstrips Bridges as preferred Prime Minister
- Peters savages 'stressed, nervous' Bridges in Parliament
- Thousands want National to push for coalition with Greens
- Phone call between National and the Greens would be short
Be strong, be independent, stand alone, become a true green centrepiece - instead it's an old lefty social justice, do-gooder, protest party.
Labour's given them two-fifths of bugger all. I can't see them doing any worse in a National coalition - maybe even better? But they couldn't stand the thought of it.
It makes me wonder how Green are they, and do they care more about themselves and how they might be perceived instead of the saving the planet and being truly green?
Duncan Garner is host of The AM Show.