Patrick Gower: I challenge Winston Peters to a jelly wrestle

OPINION: Like it or not, it looks like "Winnie P" is coming back.   

So, to keep it positive, I tried to find five things I have "no issues" with Winston Peters about (it was quite hard).  

Peters' 'inquiry into the media' 

I've got "no issues" with Peters' call for a Royal Commission of Inquiry into the media. 

Bring it on. Make my day Mr Peters.   

But, hang on, the inquiry will be very expensive for the taxpayer.  

We could sort it all out for cheap - me and you, Winston. One on one. Jelly wrestling. And we'll see once and for all who is the most slippery. 

Peters changed my life 

He helped make me who I am today.   

Yes, he did.   

On the night of the 2017 coalition deal, I went out drinking with him. 

I got so drunk that I missed work the next morning. And that night led to me giving up political journalism, and drinking. I wouldn't be sitting here today without him, so thank you very much Winston.

You helped shape this part of the New Zealand media. I hope I've made you proud.   

Gower and Peters.
Patrick Gower and Winston Peters. Photo credit: The Project/Newshub Nation

Peters' cute new dog 

He's got a new rescue dog called Kobe. Anybody who rescues a dog, especially one as cute as Kobe, I've got "no issues" with. 

'Taking back' our country 

And I've got no Issues with taking back our country even though I don't know who we're taking it back from, and I did not know it had been taken. But even if it hasn't been taken, let's take it back just to be 100 percent sure it's back.  

I've got "no issues" with that. 

Prounouncing 'rodeo', 'ro-day-o' 

And, don't forget, it's not Peters' first "ro-day-o".And I've got no Issues with him pronouncing "rodeo", "ro-day-o". Even though that's not how it's pronounced.  

By the way, you should watch that rodeo campaign ad - it's a hilarious "vi-day-o".

So, hang onto all these things.  

I hope they help you try and forget the race-baiting, the instability, the chaos and the cantankerosity (yes, I invented that word just for Peters).  

So, see you in the jelly, Mr Peters. It is time to wrestle.

Patrick Gower is the host of Paddy Gower Has Issues on Three and ThreeNow.