OPINION: Rugby culture is under fire, and so it should be.
Right now, the players cop the blame but are the people around them equally guilty for this troublesome culture?
From drink-driving, to cocaine, to the alleged mistreatment of strippers and alleged sexual assault in France, players' actions have publicised a problem that is deep-seated.
- Kiwi rugby players detained over rape complaint
- Carter caught drink-driving in France
- Williams arrested allegedly attempting to buy cocaine
Thank goodness we're finally talking about it but is it the right conversation?
It's not just rugby players, coaches and managers, but also the fans who need to talk.
That's because we don't quite understand we're part of the problem.
This was driven home to me by a conversation I had with a cab driver in Christchurch last year. He blamed the Chiefs strippers. He felt, like many, that it was their fault for stripping in front of a group of men. In his eyes, they tempted fate. I spent 15 minutes trying to convince him they have the right to feel safe and aren't at fault for the behaviour of the men who hired them.
I was blown away when he said we'd have to agree to disagree. He was an example of how everyone in the culture needs to play their part to create change. The "boys will be boys" attitude must end now, for the extremely bad behaviour to stop too.
Yes, here comes the fun police. But in this case, the fun police keep the real police at bay.
My philosophy is simple. When a toddler misbehaves you blame the parents for their ill-discipline. It should be the same in rugby, except it's the sport's culture that is the parent. That means all of us involved in the culture are partially responsible for its development. We've helped create this muscle-bound, entitled and unruly child.
You see, when a player gets away with something small, like a sexist comment, and you say "boys will be boys," he learns that it's alright to do it again. In fact, there's a good chance he'll push the boundaries even further next time.
Kiwis don't like to stand out and often won't stand up to their mates. We need to.
Rugby culture always leans towards forgiving its boys. Forgiveness is fine, as long as they don't get away with their bad behaviour.
There's no better example than "What goes on tour stays on tour". That's a group of men condoning their mates cheating on wives and girlfriends. Yet, we laugh it off like it's some kind of joke.
As quickly as you can say patriarchy, a player has gained a sense of entitlement and is on the road to trouble.
The bad messages run deep, right to rugby's heart.
It's traditional at clubs for women to be in the kitchen cooking up a feed, while the men have a beer after the game. In some cases that might be practical, but it also drives home stereotypes that young men in a sexist culture don't need.
What about at a game? You'll see scantily clad cheerleaders because officials think they need to appeal to a macho culture. The sexualisation of women sells.
Then there's the unseen stuff. You'll rarely find a women's only toilet under the stands of our most famous grounds because no-one ever considered they might be needed.
It all adds up.
When I was at school, one first fifteen player never came to Geography. Repercussions? Yeah right. He didn't learn too many lessons about skipping class when he was raking in cash from the NRL.
Players learn early that rugby makes them untouchable. If the rugby public held them to account right from the get go, maybe they wouldn't make the really high profile mistakes.
It's up to people to call out their mates, their clubs and their unions. Punishing players is a start but when the majority continue to get away with the so-called small things, the big things will continue to happen.
She won't be right, mate. Play your part.
Ross Karl is Newshub's lead rugby reporter.