OPINION: Take it from someone who has been there - you don't want to mess with the national team haka.
Admittedly, last week was a slow one in terms of sports news, with Super Rugby over and the All Blacks not quite ready to take the field for the Bledisloe Cup/Rugby Championship.
Rugbyheads stayed occupied by debating the relative merits of Beauden Barrett and Richie Mo'unga - just quietly, they're both pretty good at their jobs - while others got all outraged at a supposedly "racist" school visit by boxer Joseph Parker.
But when things are slow, attacking the haka is a surefire way to get Kiwis riled up.
- All Blacks: Haka attack 'misquoted', pre-match ritual safe
- RadioLIVE's Sunday Sport discusses the relevance of the All Blacks haka
- All Blacks haka still has place in test rugby - Mils Muliaina
Apparently, some new book, written by an English journalist (no surprises there), contains quotes from former All Blacks (including the one and only Sir Colin Meads) complaining that the haka has become overused.
Sir Colin's reported comments are particularly disturbing, since they seem to suggest that the haka should be the exclusive domain of the All Blacks - or at the very least, not used for other occasions like welcoming foreign dignitaries at airports.
The All Blacks have countered with claims that the comments were misquoted.
This assumption that the haka is only about the All Blacks is infuriating. Sure, they are the highest-profile advocates of the traditional Māori challenge, but its significance goes way deeper than just a rugby game.
Primarily, the haka belongs to our indigenous people, but as New Zealand strives towards racial integration, the entire nation has embraced it as a symbol of what we hope to stand for.
Yep, it has been exploited commercially over the years - by both Pakeha and Māori - and we certainly need to safeguard that intellectual property against abuse.
But allowing our national sporting teams - and not just the All Blacks - to perform this ritual doesn't seem like a misuse of the privilege.
Over the years, the haka has confounded foreigners unfamiliar with its real meaning. Certainly, some sounds and gestures are wide open to misinterpretation, and have drawn retaliation from those they're directed at.
If you're looking for a way to fire up an NZ sporting team, disrespecting their haka will do it every single time.
Over eight years touring with the Tall Blacks basketballers, we eventually took the precaution of warning opponents about what to expect and how to respond, so they wouldn't do themselves a disservice when confronted.
One year, Oceania officials tried to change when the haka would occur on the pre-game TV run sheet.
The team manager (yours truly) was almost lynched in the cross-fire, players insisted this was just another way for Aussies to screw with their game preparation and they would haka whenever they damn well wanted to - they didn't care whether anyone was watching or not.
Then, there was the time when the All Blacks performed their haka under the stand at Millennium Stadium, after it was removed from the schedule altogether.
That's another thing outsiders don't understand about the haka - it's not performed to intimidate opponents. It's a sign of respect, it connects NZ teams to the country they represent and reminds them who they're playing for.
Is that an advantage for our sporting teams? It can be, but there have also been occasions when the haka has possibly detracted from on-field performance.
I've seen at least two cases of players leading a haka, emerging over-stimulated and needing a spell on the bench to recover before joining the game.
On another infamous occasion, the Black Sox softballers managed to concuss their starting shortstop with a taiaha during the haka - he had to be subbed out of the game early and missed the next one as well.
By now, you have to wonder if parochial foreign journos simply spark up the haka debate every year to provoke the All Blacks, as they're about to unleash on the world again.
By now, those antagonists should have realised that will only ever end badly for them.
Grant Chapman is Newshub online sports editor.
