That was the feeling of Blackcaps captain Kane Williamson, after a tied 'super over' saw his team lose the Cricket World Cup final on an inferior boundary rate.
In an emotional and tense match at the home of cricket, both sides scored 241 in their 50 overs and were level on 15 when they batted for an extra over apiece.
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That meant England were crowned world champions after scoring more fours and sixes - 26 to New Zealand's 17 - in the entire match.
"We're gutted, obviously," Williamson said after the match. "We put in a huge amount of work to get to the final and to pretty much do all we could.
"I have spoken a lot about uncontrollables and there were a couple of today, which were hard to swallow. England are deserved winners, take nothing away from them - it's one of those things, eh.
"The margins are so small, but what you walk away with is the amount of heart that the guys have shown throughout the campaign.
"While the emotions are raw. It's pretty hard to swallow when two teams work so hard to get to this moment in time.
"We had two attempts to separate us and still couldn't. It is what it is, the rules are there at the start and they probably never thought they would have to use them."
Those small margins Williamson was referring to all seemed to go against New Zealand in the final - from umpires' decisions to the bounce of the ball.
One of the biggest moments of the game came in England's batting final over, when a throw towards the stumps deflected off Ben Stokes' bat and crossed the boundary, and England were awarded six runs.
"Not the way I wanted to do it, ball going off my bat like that," Stokes said. "I apologised to Kane.
"I'm pretty lost for words. All the hard words that's gone in over these four years, this is where we aspired to be.
"To do it with such a game, I don't think there will be another like this in the history of cricket."
Other tough calls included the Jason Roy appeal off the first ball in England's innings, which was given not out, reviewed by New Zealand, but stood as umpire's decision. If the umpire had ruled 'out', it would have been a wicket to Trent Boult.
Williamson said there were no hard feelings.
"The rule has been there for a long time," he said. "I don't think anything has happened before to question it.
"You can't look at that and say it decided the match. There was so many more bits and pieces, which were important. It was a tough pill to swallow, when we were looking likely - it's just one of those things.
"There is no anger, just lots of disappointment. The guys are feeling it and it is more down to the uncontrollables.
"When you get down to 50 overs and there are small margins like that, you have human decisions that go one way, and that is part and parcel with the sport.
"There were calls that would have been nice if they went our way, but we can't let those distract us. The guys moved on, applied themselves, but not quite enough
"It was a fantastic game to be part of, but judging by the people still hanging around, clearly it was a great spectacle."
Williamson was named Player of the Tournament, but he still had to credit his team for the award.
"An individual performance is only a contribution to the team. The idea is helping your team across the line and right now, I'm thinking 'what more could I have done?'
"All the guys in our team should take lots of pride in what they've achieved during the campaign.
"Individual accolades are secondary to what the whole squad were putting into the bucket, and that was huge getting us to the final and playing competitive cricket."
After the media conference, Kane Williamson got a standing ovation from some of the world's press for the way he'd handled himself throughout the tournament.