Former Canada football coach John Herdman wishes he had stepped down from the national team before last year's World Cup, after his sister's suicide and discord within the organisation left him disheartened and unprepared.
The former Football Ferns coach popped back up on the NZ football radar, when sources suggested the Englishman was about to quit his Canadian post to take over the vacant All Whites job, after incument Danny Hay was not retained.
At the time, NZ Football chief executive Andrew Pragnell told Newshub the preferred candidate had agreed terms and was "100 percent" on board, before a personal situation put a hold on the process.
Within 24 hours, Herdman tweeted he had turned down several job opportunities, including the New Zealand offer, to stay with Canada through to the 2026 World Cup to be staged in North America.
NZ Football seemed caught off guard by the announcement and took another five months to confirm interim coach Darren Bazeley in the fulltime role.
In an interview with CBC, Herdman says the joy of getting Canada to the World Cup in Qatar - returning to the tournament after a 36-year absence - quickly faded with the death of sister Nicola, and the discord between players and governing body Soccer Canada.
"I had just lost my sister to suicide and it really, really hurt, and it was for a period of time," said Herdman on the POV (Players Own Voice) podcast.
"I've never been hurt like that. I'd always been the fixer in my family and I couldn't fix it.
"Coming out with World Cup qualification, it was like the highest high, then down to the worst experience that I had in my life. I didn't need it.
"I felt my job was done, on the qualification. I did not need that World Cup - I don't know if I wanted it either."
After the excitement of finishing top of the CONCACAF standings and taking Canada back to the World Cup for just the second time, things quickly turned sour, as a contract dispute between Soccer Canada and the players escalated.
The situation came to a head last June, when Canada pulled out of a friendly against Panama hours before taking the pitch.
Herdman says he could feel the 'all for one and one for all' dynamic he had worked so hard to instil in his squad unravelling, as the team went on to lose all three group games in Qatar.
"I knew Canada, from an organisational perspective, we weren't ready," Herdman told the CBC.
"The players... you know, when you see what happened in June and the 'me' had already shifted. The 'we' had gone to 'me'."
After stating he wanted to remain with the programme, Herdman stepped down as coach in August to take over the same position with Major League Soccer's Toronto FC.
"This is a dream to work for a proper organisation that's got great resources and can elevate your performance, your staff's performance, but more importantly, to be on the grass every day teaching, which is what I love to do."
Reuters
