Crew Confessions: How to keep your flight attendants on side

  • 01/03/2018

There's a certain type of traveller that believes if they treat cabin crew with disdain or talk down to them, they'll get their way.

It will come as no surprise to the rest of us that isn't the case.

Here, we bring you the first in a series of diaries submitted to Newshub Travel by a flight attendant we are calling Heath Rowe.

While their identity will remain a secret, we can tell you they fly internationally in and out of New Zealand.

Here is Rowe's list of the top six worst things passengers do to annoy cabin crew.

Stacking meal trays

While in theory one might assume that they're helping the crew by neatly stacking the entire rows' meal tray's like a game of in-flight Tetris, but the reality is quite the opposite.

Like everything on an aircraft, space is at a premium and the meal trays will only go back into the cart the exact same way in which they came out.

Unstacking and rearranging all your hard work is not only a tad gross, the added time spent doing it means other passengers have to wait longer to have their tray cleared.

It's ultimately lose/lose.

We don't make the rules, it's just our job to enforce them

Sorry, I can't give you permission to use the lavatory when the seatbelt sign is illuminated.

It's on for a reason after all.

Would you consider asking a police officer if it's okay for you exceed the speed limit?

Galley yoga

We get it, it's a long time to be jammed into a tiny seat on a long-haul flight and we active encourage you to get up and move about at regular intervals (seatbelt sign permitting).

However, the airplane galley is not the place for you to practice your downward facing dog or sun salutations. This is a busy service space and essentially a staff-only area.

You say tomato, I say 'of course sir.'
You say tomato, I say 'of course sir.' Photo credit: Getty Images

Bloody Marys

It's a proven fact that tomato juice tastes better at altitude.

We have no qualms making you the savoury cocktail you crave, but, if you hear the person next to you ordering a Bloody Mary and think to yourself "ooh, that sounds nice!", this is the perfect time to inform your flight attendant that you too wish to order the same thing.

With it requiring anywhere from six to nine components to make per drink, it's a whole lot quicker and easier to make multiple at once than it is one at a time.

Coffee or Tea?

This sounds really simple, but it's possibly one of the most helpful tips that will make everyone's life easier.

When asked "Would you like tea or coffee?", the answer we're looking for is not "Yes".

The following is a conversation we have with punishing regularity:

Crew: "Would you care for tea or coffee?"

Passenger: "Yes please."

Crew: "So, was that tea or coffee?"

Passenger: "Coffee."

Crew: "Sure, would you like any milk or sugar?"

Passenger: "Yes please."

Crew: "How many sugars would you like…?"

(For some unknown reason, it takes people a long time to decide this while on a plane.)

Passenger: "Ummm, I'll have two sugars."

Here's how it should go:

Crew: "Would you care for tea or coffee?"

Passenger: "Yes please - a coffee with milk and two sugars, thanks."

Mile high club? Don't even think about it.
Mile high club? Don't even think about it. Photo credit: Getty Images

The mile-high club

This would be the number one question that's hot on everyone's lips when meeting a flight attendant in a social situation.

No, I haven't joined the mile-high club - and you probably shouldn't either, in the name of hygiene alone.

We witness first-hand just how quickly those bathrooms get "cleaned" and I simply couldn't think of anywhere more insalubrious to 'get it on'

Oh, and for all those who use the lavatories wearing only socks (or worse, bare feet), that's most likely not water on the floor.

Travel well!