The not-so-glamorous side of airline lounges

Messy children annoying parents.
Should children be allowed in airline lounges? Photo credit: Getty Images

Beyond frosted glass lies a special place at most airports.

People trying to look important scurry past, eager to avoid mingling with the rest of the public and soak up the comforts of Koru.

Never been into an airline lounge? Let me share the secrets of what's inside.

This morning. A Friday. School holidays begin at 3pm, so naturally there's loads of kids in Koru with their parents at 7am as they head off for the long weekend. 

Bose wireless headphones seems to be the uniform, along with ripped jeans. I'm old and don't get it, plus can't afford to buy said headphones so there's a tinge of jealousy.

The praetorian guards do an efficient job of herding even more people into a small fixed space, as if one day, the laws of physics will simply allow walls to expand.

Also in the lounge today - babies. Loads and loads of babies. The last time I saw so many babies was at a Plunket meeting.

There's so many that one lady decided to change the nappy right beside where everyone was eating breakfast. It seems the 30 second journey to the change room is too much of an effort for the lounge attendee. 

The PA sounds like an auctioneer on meth. A barrage of airline calls, airport announcements and lounge requests, all flowing together non-stop.

It becomes a background hum, like TV static, or a cat meowing - easy to ignore, but you know deep down you shouldn't. Forty minutes of this and you're still confused - have they called my flight or did they just announce that Winston Peters is now King? 

So what's good about lounges? While side-stepping the nappies, surly teenagers who are incapable of not bumping into you with pointy elbows, and crawling toddlers - it's the coffee.

Titanic dinner scene.
Airline lounges can also be home to the 'social elite.' Photo credit: Supplied.

Also the kranskie sausages, which come in two sizes: petite and micro. And the chance to see those who don't want to mingle with the public but are happy to yell into their phone demanding everyone within 50m hear their conversation... "I said he was a fool, you moron!"

So next time you're walking past the Koru Lounge, spare a thought for the sacrifices others are making. While we fight to get a seat in there, rather than be left standing while trying to balance a coffee in one hand and a plate in the other, insisting on being part of a very important group - the reality is that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.

Kyle Scott is a news director at Newshub and a frequent traveller.

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