US woman pens viral list of the 20 questions you should ask your partner before marriage

couple touching hands on the couch
Commenters have called the list "amazing", and it has the seal of approval from one woman who has been married 16 years. Photo credit: Getty.

A US woman has shared a list of questions she says every couple should ask each other before getting married. 

The California woman whose Twitter username is 'Saag Jaan' was engaged at age 19 but it ended before the wedding "due to irreconcilable differences". 

The now 21-year-old told Metro she wanted to share some of the most important lessons she'd learned, based on "personal experience".

Her advice includes talking about debt and finances, how many kids you each want, your stances on social media, career goals, and what your death plan is. 

Her Twitter 'checklist' has racked up over 200,000 likes and 60,000 shares. 

Despite Jaan being fairly young for a relationship expert, it appears her advice checks out, with married couples praising the list as being bang on point. 

"As someone who's been married for almost 16 years your thread is sound and comprehensive. Good to discuss all of these things keeping in mind [a] perfect match is impossible and compromise is necessary - a wise thread from someone who looks young. Well done," one person wrote. 

Others said they were bookmarking the list for the time when they were considering getting married. 

"I seriously love this. You mentioned so many points that are beneficial to a relationship that so many people miss going over before getting married," one person praised. 

"This is AMAZING advice! Someone posted on a FB group I'm on and I came to find the full thread - wow, it's a gold mine of information for singles," wrote another. 

But others thought much of the advice went without saying. 

"I do love this thread as is mentions many great points but surely people talk about half of these before even thinking of getting married? Like I wouldn't even think of marrying my partner if I didn't already know half of this stuff," one woman wrote. 

The full list of Jaan's talking points are as follows: 

  1. Talk about DEBT
  2. FULLY and WILLINGLY committing to one another. No "I'm not sure" and "what ifs" and "it's not the right time." You are either in or you're out
  3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc) 
  4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage
  5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc
  6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack thereof? Do you share fundamental core beliefs about life? VERY important
  7. Anger management issues: does one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children... 
  8. Energy. Does it match? You decide. Follow your gut 
  9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually add up. Make sure your expectations match one another to full comfort 
  10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc... figure it out
  11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc 
  12. Age doesn't matter too much. In my experience, it's about the person and what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you're with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It's called respect 
  13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what's okay and what's not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds trivial and trust should be there but you'd be surprised what people's boundaries are. Better to know than not know 
  14. Social media: believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you'll be clowning on one another
  15. I mentioned this before, but savings. How much do y'all have earned and combined? How much are your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it's not something u can afford right now. Get on the same page 
  16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks? Breakups?
  17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn't considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in 
  18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? Godparents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it 
  19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to love, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you'll be fine 
  20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention the level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level and all. It's because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain't a good person based off superficial attributes