Woman wants to celebrate engagement during sister's wedding, asks if she's in the wrong

Stock image of bride and another woman face-to-face, looking angry
The sister of the bride is determined to share the spotlight after getting engaged just a week prior to the wedding. Photo credit: Getty Images

As most people will know, there are a few cardinal sins when it comes to the world of weddings - chiefly wearing white, getting plastered and badmouthing the bride, or loudly explaining why you think the concept of marriage is patriarchal bulls**t.

Ultimately, anything that detracts from the happy couple is not cool - it is their (very expensive) day, after all. Bragging about your own engagement, for example, during someone else's nuptials is often frowned upon. While you are not usually responsible for when your significant other decides to get down on one knee, you can control when - and where - you talk about it. 

But it appears one woman didn't get the memo that your sister's wedding is typically not the time to announce your own engagement. In a post to the popular Reddit forum 'Am I the Asshole', the US woman, 33, anonymously shared her predicament after being branded "ridiculous" by her family for wanting to use her sister Ann's wedding to celebrate her own milestone.

In her post, the woman explained that her 35-year-old partner Eric had proposed to her last week - a mere week-and-a-half before Ann's wedding to her fiancé, Dean, this coming weekend.

She explained she had announced their engagement in a text message to her nearest and dearest, but noticed that Ann didn't immediately respond to the news. Instead, she replied the following day with her congratulations and explained she had been busy finalising her wedding.

After the woman told her family when she would be in town for the wedding, Ann messaged her asking her not to discuss her engagement during the week to ensure attention wasn't detracted from her and her fiancé. The woman said she was shocked by the request, having thought the days leading up to the wedding would be the perfect time for both sisters to celebrate with their family.

"I asked why, and she said she's spent over a year stressing over the wedding and hasn't seen our family in that time, so she wants it to be about her and Dean. She asked that we wait until the day after to discuss my engagement," the woman explained.

"I said that's ridiculous and that we can talk about both, plus people will be asking me about my engagement anyway as they already know. She said she expects that, but then the conversation needs to go to her because everyone is coming to celebrate her and Dean, not Eric and me. 

"But I haven't seen our family in the same amount of time, and I want to use this time to talk about my engagement, my ring, and our own wedding plans. I'm excited and this is the only chance I'll get to do it."

The woman said Ann reiterated that the week was to be about her and Dean and she wanted her rehearsal dinner and bachelorette party to be fully focused on their upcoming nuptials.

"Ann told me it's not about me… I told her not everything is about her, and I should be allowed to talk about my engagement too," the woman argued. 

"I said I want her to help me plan mine since she's just done it, and we could use this time for her to show me how to plan a wedding, but she said no."

The woman added that her brother subsequently texted her to tell her she was "being ridiculous" for wanting to share her sister's spotlight, to which she responded that Ann was being "a bridezilla".

"He said she has a right to want the week of her wedding to be about her. I'm not saying the wedding day can't be about her, but she doesn't own the days leading up to it," she said. 

"I want to show off my ring and talk about my wedding… Eric agrees that Ann is being self-centred, but [my brother] thinks I'm trying to steal the spotlight and [need] to let Ann have her moment. 

"Am I the asshole? I don't see why we can't do everything together."

It quickly transpired that yes, the woman was the asshole - and as the bride-to-be, Ann had every right to want to be the focal point during her wedding and the preceding days. 

"Not only does OP [original poster] want to spend her sister's wedding talking about herself as much as possible, she's also expecting the sister to treat her own wedding as some kind of example guide for OP to use for later… Astounding," one reader observed.

"I started out wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt - she didn't know her bf would propose, it's just bad timing, etc. But as I read more, I wouldn't be surprised if she pressured him to propose so close before her sister's wedding. Some people can't stand to see a spotlight on someone else for a day," another chipped in.

"The boyfriend is almost as much of an asshole for asking her the week before her sister's wedding. I get that she's excited and wants to share the news, but damn he couldn't wait one week? Would have avoided this whole drama," a third added, with a fourth agreeing: "I have a hunch that his choice of timing was heavily influenced."

Another joked: "I hope you feel the same way when they announce their baby at your wedding."