Self-proclaimed wellness guru and Goop founding mother Gwyneth Paltrow has unveiled her latest Christmas gift guides and as expected, they are totally and completely bonkers.
Each year Paltrow's health-and-lifestyle empire collates a series of guides designed to make festive gifting that little bit easier, with the latest drop featuring 10 "personality-specific" curations spanning an "Under $100 Gift Guide", a "Wellness Gift Guide", a "Lover's Gift Guide" and a "Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide".
The latter in particular does not disappoint: if you are buying for the person who already has everything and then some, that is. The list features a diverse range of gifts at price-points that are almost certainly too rich for the wallet of the average reader: a US$15,000 gold G-spot vibrator, anyone?
Chanel roller-skates, price-on-demand DeBeers earrings, a Hermes doghouse and a private island escape are among the other "Ridiculous[ly expensive] but Awesome" inclusions, the latter of which is a US$39,500-a-night rental of Turtle Island in Fiji.
Perhaps your discerning giftee would enjoy a US$2000 Planar Studio gong and stand for Christmas? It rings with a "clear, deep tone like heavy thunder", after all. Or maybe a block of aged Parmigiano Reggiano cheese sourced from Italy's Emilia-Romagna, a region famed for its rich gastronomy - with a price tag just south of NZ$700.
If these gifts are outside your budget, Goop's aforementioned "Under $100" guide offers a comprehensive range of ideas at more affordable price-points - and some of the suggestions are somewhat palatable. Many of the skincare, haircare and beauty inclusions would make luxurious gifts that don't break the bank: think Alpyn Beauty's Wild Huckleberry Radiance Recovery Peel Mask (US$56), or the Maison Louis Marie No.04 Bois de Balincourt Body Lotion (US$35). Other options include a gorgeous set of brushed gold Countryman Cheese Knives by Farmhouse Pottery (US$95), a set of organic cotton thongs (US$72), and several Christmas ornaments.
The "Lover's Gift Guide" promises a selection of the "sexiest gift ideas" from lingerie to a 'stimulating' showerhead and a gold necklace with a fully functional vibrator as its pendant.
For those of us who want to give our significant other a little nudge in the right direction, Goop has also curated a "Forward-to-Your-SO Gift Guide" exactly for that purpose: although my partner will not be purchasing me a US$7950 Chanel bag or $14,000 gold Rolex anytime soon.
If children are in the mix and Santa is feeling ultra-generous this year, Gwyneth and the Goop team try and have you covered, too. There are some sensible suggestions, but something tells me many parents won't be shelling out on a US$450 children's blanket or a $73,000 (!!!) Louis Vuitton Baby Wardrobe amid the cost-of-living crisis.
Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Ridiculous but Awesome' Gift Guide for Goop, 2023 (all prices in USD)
- Portraits of Nature Butterfly Fancy Yellow Earrings - price on request
- Poppies and Crane Backgammon Set, $14,580
- Large Pavé Oera Bracelet, $29,400
- Island Rental in Fiji Turtle Island, from $39,500 a night (minimum 3 nights)
- Inez 24k Gold G-Spot Vibrator, $15,000
- Antique Escargot Picks Chez Pluie, $567
- Zaha One-Diamond Ring, $19,800
- Hand-Painted Tulip Vase Pyramid, $16,752
- 7-Day Airship Cruise to the North Pole, price upon request
- Chrona Mini Link Necklace, $21,200
- Planar Studio Gong and Stand, $2000
- Gong Exploration Workshop, $200
- Street 53-Piece Street Bar Cart by Jan Johansson Orrefors, $10,000
- Parmigiano Reggiano DOP, Aged 24 Months, $396
- Custom Cabin DEN, from $200,000 to $1,000,000
- Basquiat Black Crown Ascent 95P Skis, $2250
- Executive Producer Experience at Flóki Studios, Deplar Farm Eleven, price upon request
- Roller Skates Chanel, $5125
- Large Footed Swirl Platter Masa Designs, $850
- Customized Modpool Modpools, from $28,500
- Roving Safari Bushtops, from $30,200 a day
- Keith Haring Radiant Heart LED Neon Sign The Shop at The Broad, $1099
- Cavaletti Doghouse Hermès, $1925
- Residence 4 at The Well Bay Harbor Islands, from $4,450,000
- Magic Show Tickets Asi Wind's Inner Circle, from $120
- Zero-G Experience Zero-G, from $9070.
