Gwyneth Paltrow unveils Goop's 2023 gift guides, including $25k vibrators, private island rentals and other ridiculousness

Composite of Goop's Christmas gift suggestions surrounding photo of Gwyneth Paltrow
Photo credit: Getty Images / Goop

Self-proclaimed wellness guru and Goop founding mother Gwyneth Paltrow has unveiled her latest Christmas gift guides and as expected, they are totally and completely bonkers.

Each year Paltrow's health-and-lifestyle empire collates a series of guides designed to make festive gifting that little bit easier, with the latest drop featuring 10 "personality-specific" curations spanning an "Under $100 Gift Guide", a "Wellness Gift Guide", a "Lover's Gift Guide" and a "Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide".  

The latter in particular does not disappoint: if you are buying for the person who already has everything and then some, that is. The list features a diverse range of gifts at price-points that are almost certainly too rich for the wallet of the average reader: a US$15,000 gold G-spot vibrator, anyone?

Chanel roller-skates, price-on-demand DeBeers earrings, a Hermes doghouse and a private island escape are among the other "Ridiculous[ly expensive] but Awesome" inclusions, the latter of which is a US$39,500-a-night rental of Turtle Island in Fiji. 

Perhaps your discerning giftee would enjoy a US$2000 Planar Studio gong and stand for Christmas? It rings with a "clear, deep tone like heavy thunder", after all. Or maybe a block of aged Parmigiano Reggiano cheese sourced from Italy's Emilia-Romagna, a region famed for its rich gastronomy - with a price tag just south of NZ$700.

If these gifts are outside your budget, Goop's aforementioned "Under $100" guide offers a comprehensive range of ideas at more affordable price-points - and some of the suggestions are somewhat palatable. Many of the skincare, haircare and beauty inclusions would make luxurious gifts that don't break the bank: think Alpyn Beauty's Wild Huckleberry Radiance Recovery Peel Mask (US$56), or the Maison Louis Marie No.04 Bois de Balincourt Body Lotion (US$35). Other options include a gorgeous set of brushed gold Countryman Cheese Knives by Farmhouse Pottery (US$95), a set of organic cotton thongs (US$72), and several Christmas ornaments.

The "Lover's Gift Guide" promises a selection of the "sexiest gift ideas" from lingerie to a 'stimulating' showerhead and a gold necklace with a fully functional vibrator as its pendant.  

For those of us who want to give our significant other a little nudge in the right direction, Goop has also curated a "Forward-to-Your-SO Gift Guide" exactly for that purpose: although my partner will not be purchasing me a US$7950 Chanel bag or $14,000 gold Rolex anytime soon. 

If children are in the mix and Santa is feeling ultra-generous this year, Gwyneth and the Goop team try and have you covered, too. There are some sensible suggestions, but something tells me many parents won't be shelling out on a US$450 children's blanket or a $73,000 (!!!) Louis Vuitton Baby Wardrobe amid the cost-of-living crisis.  

Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Ridiculous but Awesome' Gift Guide for Goop, 2023 (all prices in USD)  

  1. Portraits of Nature Butterfly Fancy Yellow Earrings - price on request  
  2. Poppies and Crane Backgammon Set, $14,580  
  3. Large Pavé Oera Bracelet, $29,400  
  4. Island Rental in Fiji Turtle Island, from $39,500 a night (minimum 3 nights)  
  5. Inez 24k Gold G-Spot Vibrator, $15,000  
  6. Antique Escargot Picks Chez Pluie, $567   
  7. Zaha One-Diamond Ring, $19,800  
  8. Hand-Painted Tulip Vase Pyramid, $16,752  
  9. 7-Day Airship Cruise to the North Pole, price upon request   
  10. Chrona Mini Link Necklace, $21,200  
  11. Planar Studio Gong and Stand, $2000  
  12. Gong Exploration Workshop, $200   
  13. Street 53-Piece Street Bar Cart by Jan Johansson Orrefors, $10,000  
  14. Parmigiano Reggiano DOP, Aged 24 Months, $396   
  15. Custom Cabin DEN, from $200,000 to $1,000,000  
  16. Basquiat Black Crown Ascent 95P Skis, $2250   
  17. Executive Producer Experience at Flóki Studios, Deplar Farm Eleven, price upon request  
  18. Roller Skates Chanel, $5125  
  19. Large Footed Swirl Platter Masa Designs, $850  
  20. Customized Modpool Modpools, from $28,500  
  21. Roving Safari Bushtops, from $30,200 a day  
  22. Keith Haring Radiant Heart LED Neon Sign The Shop at The Broad, $1099  
  23. Cavaletti Doghouse Hermès, $1925  
  24. Residence 4 at The Well Bay Harbor Islands, from $4,450,000  
  25. Magic Show Tickets Asi Wind's Inner Circle, from $120  
  26. Zero-G Experience Zero-G, from $9070.