Inside a newsroom: 'Dil-do' or 'Dil-don't'
Disclaimer: This isn't a faithful reproduction of an actual editorial meeting, but you can imagine how hard it would have been to keep a straight face in newsrooms across the country this morning.
Producer one: Right folks, a few things for today -- top of the list is dildo. The other shows will be chasing this hard and the minister is trying to keep his head down at the moment, so we won't have the exclusive, but we need to find a good angle.
Promo guy: ***earnestly begins taking notes***
Promo guy: Are you going to be talking about Peter Jackson and the gif?
Producer one: Yes, if he'll front. We reckon the flag might be CGI.
Producer two: What about getting John Oliver? Did he care if this was embarrassing for New Zealand? In fact, does John Oliver have an anti-New Zealand agenda?
Editor: Or you know, was the dildo even intended for the minster? Was it supposed to be for the PM?
Reporter one: Yeah, had the PM gone to Waitangi, would he have had it coming?
Reporter two: Do we investigate the origins of the dildo? Was it made locally?
Producer one: If it were made overseas, would the TPP actually help dildo makers?
Reporter two: Have dildo sales peaked as a result?
Graphics: So, what do you want me to do?
Producer one: So now that the flag image with Peter Jackson is around, let's play with this flag being, you know, our actual flag. So let's get images of it flying on the Harbour Bridge, flags on the back of cars…
Reporter one: What about out the front of Parliament?
Reporter two: Drape it over that picture of Valerie Adams winning gold.
Producer one: S**t, these ideas are great.
Graphics: So, what do you want me to do? Are these still images? Or do you want animation?
Promo guy: How likely is the dildo story to run?
Dad producer: Look, I think we need to think long and hard about this -- we don't want it blowing up in our face.