Parties, dress, accommodation: Shocked bridesmaid questions if 'absurd' amount spent on friend's wedding is common

bridemaid stressing over costs
The woman says she was asked to shell out over $2000 to be part of the big day. Photo credit: Getty Images.

If you've ever been a bridesmaid, you'll know the job surprisingly involves a lot more responsibility than just showing up in a nice dress on the day and holding some flowers. 

In the weeks before the wedding there are various parties, appointments, organisational duties, and things to buy, like presents and your wedding day ensemble. 

But one woman has turned to the internet for help after a friend asked her to be a bridesmaid, claiming she was asked to shell out over $2000 to be part of the big day. 

Posting in Reddit's 'Wedding Shaming' forum, the woman explained upon accepting the role, she had "really no idea" how much it would cost. 

"I've been in other weddings and was only required to buy the dress. Big mistake for me - I've never been in a monstrosity of a wedding," she revealed. 

The bridesmaid wrote she only began to see the error of her ways when expensive events began to be planned. A bridal shower at a pricey restaurant was organised by one of the bride's sisters, who "harassed everyone else [to pay] in a group chat". 

"She said what everyone owed and who had paid. I was the only one who expressed some issues with the budget - because I had other financial issues I was dealing with," the bridesmaid revealed. 

"Then she tried to take credit for the entire thing, although admittedly, I finally told the bride the cost was split. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer on it."

The bridesmaid went on to write that while she was told by the bride she had "financial responsibilities" as a bridesmaid, she thought the continually escalating costs were "absurd". 

"I ordered the dress she wanted [and] it doesn't fit… the waist is so tiny, it's not even conducive to life. 

"Now I need a seamstress and an additional three nights of hotel rooms for the rest of the wedding. Plus another $100 for the hair she wants."

But the real kicker? When the Reddit poster herself eloped, the bride didn't even send a card to say "congratulations".

"I'm just having a hard time justifying spending almost $2K on someone who couldn't pick up a card at the grocery store and put it in the mail for me."

She asked other Reddit users if she was being unreasonable, and the response was overwhelmingly on her side. 

"These pre-wedding activities seem over the top to me - I see no shame in pulling out and declaring it all out of budget. Real friends would be understanding," one person wrote. 

"Seriously. If you can't afford it, and aren't enjoying it, don't do it. It's a wedding, not a mafia contract," another agreed. 

"Can you just attend as a guest?" another questioned. "She doesn't sound like your best friend, but if she's a friend at all just tell her that you're honoured she asked you to participate but can't afford this level of commitment and you need to back out now before you spend any more money."

For other baffled bridesmaids in the same boat, events planner  Alyssa Brown from Martha Stewart Weddings says there are only a few things bridesmaids should be required to pay for. 

She told the Daily Mail bridesmaids are expected to buy their own shoes, as they'll be keeping them for future wear and accessories. 

She said bridesmaids should also club together to buy a wedding gift, and cover the bride's costs at the hen's do. 

It's not the first time a demanding bride has hit headlines. Last year, another bridesmaid sparked an internet debate after revealing the cost of her "pricey" bridesmaid dress, which she was required to purchase herself.